The Lost World

A bike ride with friends or alone. Stopping at a chai stall, drinking tea and then keeping the adventure going on. This is one way to find relaxation. The bike rides and chai stall do not have that innocence anymore. You have no idea what happened, you think that you grew up, either that or times changed or that you have become cynical. You don't think that you have become cynical. There actually was innocence back in the day, in bike rides, in chai stalls and even with all the innocence there was safety, now you can either choose safety or innocence, wrong, you can't go back to innocence, and it's just a continued paranoia for the existentialist in you. Villages still were innocent some time ago, and when that innocence was there you could ride your bike to the village temple sit in the veranda and write, quietly, without disturbing anyone. You can try slow living, but that would make you to fall behind in this fast paced world. Time is money isn't it? It's a penal colony and you have to make your living in it at least enough to survive the next day. You do what you can do to keep the interest in life alive. You build a mancave, put a PC with a powerful and expensive, well as powerful and expensive as you can afford, graphic card in it. You have that but still you don't feel like playing videogames. You collect them. You collect games because once upon a time you gave up gaming to focus on studies. You collect books, because you are fond of them. You breathe easy now a days, you try to practice altruism, and you don't give in to intimidation, because this is what you think a man should do. Practice altruism and not give in to intimidation. You have lost so much and you focused just on the loss, you didn't focus on the life path you took after the loss. Maybe it's human nature, that we focus on what we lost than what we gained. Your life is riddled with imposter syndrome, do you do things because they're popular or to impress others or because you actually like them. You chuckle as you ask yourself this question, because you know enough to know that the imposter syndrome is false, you don't do things because they're popular, you do them because you love to do them, it gives you pleasure and satisfaction, you had stopped doing things to impress others a very long back, yes you didn't stop doing it for your loved ones and you never plan to. An idea drifts in your mind and you try to catch it but it goes away into the oblivion, it was a good idea and it would have made a good piece of writing, but there is no point of grieving that. You can think new things, and if you are lucky the idea might come back to you. Philosophy doesn't do much in life, it just gives names to decisions of people. First come feelings and then decisions. You say existentialist because you feel like an existentialist, you say cynicism because you feel cynical. All you want to do is get on a bike, stop at a tea stall and drink a tea by the hands of that old grandma who is sitting there lucky enough to enjoy slow living out of the rat race, and then you ride to the village temple to sit in the veranda and write literature, imagining that village temples are still as pristine as they were in the past and are not affected by politics, like they say beauty is in the eyes of beholder. But then can we imagine a venomous snake coiled up in our leg to be a rabbit? That would be stupid and hence the cynicism. You imagine sitting in the veranda and writing into the dusk but you forget that it's a penal colony and you have to arrange food at the table at dawn.