Ego Gymnasium

How do you know your self-worth? I have devised a simple formula to calculate self-worth. It's the amount of ATPs spent on you compared to the ATPs you have spent intentionally. This is just self-worth in comparision with the population though. Real self-worth, however, is independent of population and arrives a bit late, when you come to know about your place in the society, the world and the universe. We are afterall just like fungus on rock revolving around a ball of exploding gases in an infinite space. Personally I have solved the problem of free will, I know that it doesn't exist. Though I do not know whether it is on various levels or just at one level. I know that free will doesn't exist, but it doesn't exist on a very social and political level, I have no idea whether it exists on a cosmic level or not. I spent half of my life finding a cure for pain and insanity only to realise that insanity is man-made and political and all pain is inflicted. What I found out in more than fifteen years after a lot of hardwork and suffering can be practically found out in five minutes or even less given you are in the right company. I was eighteen when I had decided to be altruistic and started practicing altruism. For me it was just a conscious psychological defence to compensate for my pain, a positive way to deal with my issues. Psychological defences are important and they should be conscious. I for long kept thinking that there were unconscious psychological defences going about in my head, that I was repressed but then I found the truth and it was liberating. The problem with altruism is that it really doesn't work in this country, every person you would meet would exploit you, no matter whether you are practicing altruism or not. I have altruism as a way of life, but I can differentiate between people. There are four types of people in the world, who would kill someone for a minor inconvenience, who would kill someone for a major inconvenience, third who would never harm others no matter how much they suffer and fourth those who torture and kill others for fun. The arrangement of the world has the fourth kind at the top, the first kind at the second place, the second kind at third place and the third kind at the bottom. One has to understand that in this country, and probably in the greater world too, the scum are found in the lower and higher classes, the middle class is the sandwich class, of course this like all information it is just indicative and shouldn't be heavily generalised. The lower classes become beasts due to deprivation, the upper classes are already beasts due to excesses and the middle classes keep busy in saving what they already have, their status, their delusions of dignity and social respect. For me it's been more than sixteen years practicing altruism and I have truly achieved peace from inside. I don't feel bad when someone exploits or take advantage of me, and very genuinely, I have reached this level of altruism and it took a lot, though I am capable enough to not let people take advantage of me, as far as power dynamic allows. It's all power and power dynamic in the end. The hand of God shifts in the direction where the power is. I have known it since the start and it never surprised me, until one day when the real heartbreak came and I realised that this country is corrupt at a level where no amends can be made. I made peace with my sense of justice. I made peace with my worldview. Not to boast at all, but they are pristine. The truth at social and political level is grotesque enough to make you realise that cosmic existence might not exist after all, well, at least not in a way people think it to exist. People in this country have egos indirectly proportional to their competence, and those who are competent have even more massive egos. I have cracked the code of survival in this country though, it is to have a lot of power (which unfortunately is not possible for everyone) and (a thing which is possible) to have a lot of delusional self-confidence and self-worth. Even narcissism and psychopathy works well, and yes last but not the least, hypocrisy is a must.