Sanctuary

What do bodies matter? Beauty fades. It's just the souls that remain. I ask myself the question, why you, why not anyone else. And I do not have the answer. I know that the hierarchies especially when it is between you and me, are fake. But I compensate, for my failures, even when I realised that I never failed, I never gave up trying, so failure is out of question. Bodies do not matter, and beauty fades. And yet I want to inhale the scent of your hair. I don't let worldliness define what I feel for you. I failed, I keep failing, but that's what world is, it's about winning and those who believe in hard work and due process get left behind. All of it is bullshit, I know. It might be a projection, but I know that even if it is projection, I'm projecting in the right direction. There are a lot of insecurities, but I assure you that none of them are mine. You were the one stop solution for all my woes, and if it had happened, you'd have realised that I'm the one stop solution for all your woes. But the world, like always, had to poke its nose into what I consider sacred. What's the point of souls when souls can't even be accessed, when survival becomes so much of a worry that souls can't even get exposed to people to whom they should be exposed to. You are something that the world put all his might into snatching from me. I couldn't even show you who I really am, but then the world is transient, and it doesn't matter. I sometimes feel like I try to sell myself to you, but that's because the world is all about buying and selling. I don't try to sell myself to anyone else. Is it desperation, inside me, not really. The world swallows strongest of relationships, and that's where practicality kicks in. I don't need intimacy because it was snatched from me very early on. I just don't have any need for it. I look at you and realise what could have been. It would have been tremendous. But hierarchies remain, fake hierarchies, and I obey hierarchies even if they are fake and are made with the intent to deprive, but most of it all I obey hierarchies because I don't want you to have anything substandard. You infused me with hope, and a spark for survival, anyone and everyone else fades when you are in front of me, and that's how I realised that this shit is real. My ego melts when it comes to you, and it might not be the same in your case as we might be wired differently, but the scent of your pure soul is and has always been enough for me. We would have been safe space for each other, we would have been sanctuaries for each other. But the world and the fake hierarchies swallowed one more beautiful thing like countless others. All that remains is practicality. I would never get to bury my face in your hair and take in the scent, but I don't regret it. Just finding you was a great experience.