Equated Monthly Installment

Traumas shape the lives of those who let traumas shape their lives. The first step to dealing with a trauma is acknowledging that it happened. The next step is learning from it and then the next and the final step comes, that is getting over it. The difficulty of the final steps varies from person to person and depends on the kind of trauma. I used my traumas to practice kintsugi, I mended myself with ideas I considered as higher in nature just like a broken vase is mended with gold in kintsugi. It’s been more than a decade I have been dealing with rabid conspiratorial designs and yet somehow, I persist. I don’t know how long I would be able to persist with the barrage of conspiracies thrown at me, but now that I’m aware that it is not my own self sabotaging me things kind have kind of become simpler. Though self-sabotage has a Sanam Teri Kasam male protagonist kind of sex appeal and charm to it, but then since the system is mathematical and optimised for exploitation, these things do not really matter. I have seen the abyss and parachuted into it; I have also hand-glided over it. High ideas mean a lot to me. I believe in ideals, and I believe in codes and following them. The truth however is cheap and in a setting like this hypocrisy becomes a norm. People are anyway hypocrites and those who are not are forced to become by controlling and manipulating conditions around them. Once you become a whore it doesn’t matter if you are dicked by two or by hundred. Suffering used to have meaning, and that’s how poets, writers and philosophers took birth in normal humans. Now suffering is a norm and the best you can do is sell your suffering. I refuse to sell my suffering. What would do though is create lifebuoys and throw them around in the void for people suffering aimlessly into the void. Suffering is not cool, but it is essential for character development. The best thing is that it develops the character of the ones who are good, as assholes just pass on their suffering to those weaker than them. The thing is to realise that there is no legacy to leave, and no greatness to achieve. Your legacy can be shat upon by subhuman assholes who also have the power to retrospectively destroy your pedigree and as much horrific as it sounds, once you digest it, it gives you a kind of freedom you haven’t really experienced before. Stars can be your ancestors, or they can be masses of exploding gases, depends on the route you choose. There comes a time when you start to question reality despite knowing all the science in the world and it gets so extreme that you start wondering if flat-earthers are right. Which cosmology to believe, the cosmologies of different religions, or the scientific cosmology which is a work in progress. I choose to believe the science, and this is what it ultimately comes down to. Your choices. You know what happened to Jesus? He was a good guy, and he was made an example of by Romans and Jews, and such a big example that people follow that example till date and yet the masters in the world of today exploit the people based on sins that he died for. It’s kind of a tribal approach where a goat is assumed to carry the burden of sins of people, and then, is sacrificed or if the tribe is kind, let go into the wilderness. I was a retainer who couldn’t find a master however hard he tried and so I decided to be my own master and while I do partake in the Ekta Kapoor drama that a portion in my life is, I also realise that it is fake. The wheel of time keeps moving and I keep sitting on the assembly line getting closer to be culled like the sacrificial lamb that I am and while I’m doing that, I just keep writing what would make people aware of the fake drama that is going on. The basics are simple, food, clothing and shelter and these things are procured with money. Maslow is writhing in his grave seeing people getting self-actualised even before fulfilling their physiological needs.