Indie Slave

Although I wanted to be a novelist and a comic book writer by the mid 2010s I realised that the kind of political setting we live in, these things are redundant. I gave up my ideas of collaborating with people because anyone who collaborates in this country end up having differences and since I know the deeper setup I now know that a lot of them are not just mutual disagreements, a lot new age filmmakers who were collaborating on new age projects ended up having differences and their endeavours shut down. A lot of rock bands in the country ended up breaking. Few of the modern comic book companies haven't shut down because their collaborators despite being of Indian origin are based in USA, though it doesn't matter as comic books anyway don't sell in India anymore. By the late 2010s, I decided to write independently and while I still write fiction every now and then and want to write my novels just for the sake of it and  for fun, without publishing it commercially, I lack the cognitive abilities and imagination to bring my vision to fruition and it's funny because I had better cognitive abilities and imagination when I was a kid. I do not consider myself a writer, I just write for recreation and try to make what I write useful to those who read it. The deeper "administration" of this country, if you can even call it that, is at present basically a shit cycle, shitting, eating it, again shitting and eating it again and this cycle continues infinitely, in fact it has been on for a while now. What does it mean? Well it means intentionally degrading the society, and then taking that degraded society as a reality and then again degrading it further and then this cycle of uneding degradation keeps going on and is still continuing. The ones at the top are drunk on pleasurable impulses, although artificial, which is akin to remaining drunk all the time without the side-effects and only deal with the lower stratas to play games at the mental and physical level which are similar to the movie Hostel though the modus operandi is not direct and these games are, in lower stratas, integrated with religion too so a lot of people think they are some sort of religious consequences. We are living in islands of our individual needs, desires, traumas, insecurities and delusions disconnected from each other trying to hold on to our lives and loved ones while absolute scum employed by the ones at the top keep disrupting our lives. Imagine being hated by someone you don't even know and especially being hated by someone whose very first impulse is to rape the woman they don't like or torture, humiliate and murder the man they don't like. Here is the kicker though, the hate isn't even based on any tangible reason and most probably they are projecting their own inferiorities and insecurities on you, in short the your suffering is not due to God but whims of bottom tier criminal scum. I still write, I wanted to get behind the truth of mental health as a doctor and I finally did it though the unfortunate thing is the truth itself is such that if I write it, it makes me seem mentally ill. I enjoy writing and I hope I develop enough skill to write warm and aesthetic stuff without cognitive abilities and imagination and just out of pure skill. I can only hope for it. Fingers crossed.