Identity and Crisis

When people start having identity crises despite having well established identity one has to realise that there is something seriously wrong about the politics of this country. I know what identity crisis is, though I have only experienced it in superficial manner but experienced I have. My belief in caste is only limited to shared customs that different castes have within them and I don't associate it with superiority or inferiority. It was funny to me when a Hindi blogger I much adored for bringing rural stories out through his blog tried to justify his Brahmin caste through genetics, kind of ruined it for me but I know that he is a good man. If we see in this manner, humans have 60 percent genetic similarity with a housefly and 98 percent genetic similarity with a gorilla. I'm a Rajput by birth so many people would assume that I had it easy, and it might be that other people of my community have had it good due to their caste, I personally haven't though I still won't compare the tremendous struggle and suffering that I have had in my life to the struggle and suffering of a dalit man or woman. The oppression and torture that I have faced is individualised and it ultimately, thanks to my education, opened my eyes to the actual reality of this nation, that there are only two main classes in this nation, the master class and the slave class and castes are just there to keep the wheel of time moving in the lower stratas, I mean something has to be happening in the lower stratas, right? Caste unfortunately is a reality and in northern states, which the redditors call as BIMARU, caste based discrimination is rampant. If we even magnify the caste based differences and abilities and disadvantages of belonging to a particular caste, if people were constructive, they would have taken it in the stride of "if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid". I have a strong belief that only the scoundrels who have nothing to offer at a personal level believe in things like caste and race, though some are genuinely just preserving the traditions of their community while for others it is a fascism-like method of banding together and trying to oppress other communities. I won't even say that the government has failed because after thirty five autumns of my life I have realised that the government only exists on paper and it is in fact a working arm of the rich who are basically casteless. I have a regional identity which has expressed itself throughout my life despite me not living in the region I originate from most of my life. I belong to Eastern Uttar Pradesh and I was kind of aware that the region is backward financially and in terms of infrastructure but the past decade proved to me that it is actually backward and inferior to other regions of this country, no not because of the culture. Since I can analyse cultures I know that my culture is one of the most superior culture in humanistic terms in the whole country and I would attribute it to the benevolent ancient designers of my land and culture. It is inferior at present because the ones in power in my region are literal rapists and extortionists who have turned my region into an extortion and rape chamber behind the smokescreen of religion. The culture still persists but I don't know for how long, a lot of beautiful things from my culture have gone extinct in favour of mongrel modernity. I used to believe in a greater purpose, I was studying medicine so I wanted to help people, that was the greater purpose. I wrote so I wanted to create a masterpiece wanting to achieve greatness in that regard, youthful ambitions you know, just like the lyrics in the song Zinda from the film Lootera, "kabr par mere sir utha ke khadi ho zindagi, aise marnaa hai mujhe." As time passed, I realised that it is basically sex and money, everything. And for the privileged, in this country at least, rape and extortion and exploitation that they inflict on others. So, when confronted with this reality I realised that there is no greatness to be achieved, no masterpiece to be created. What actually remains in the setting we live in is, trying to master what we do, earn money and have fun with the non-negotiable trying to keep family together as the political forces of the land try to break apart your family to sell more soaps. When I confronted identity crises, I based my identity on science, like: a human on the planet earth, along with the political identity that is my family history and background and my pedigree. This country has the first world and third world both within it and the first worlders of this country are free to rape and murder the third worlders which they do with abandon. So, I choose to have fun, and do what gives me pleasure. Writing is one such thing.