Retrospective Assessment

The 19th century and the 20th century is a good place to start. I like the stories of that era. I adore Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. He wrote one of my favourite characters ever, Sherlock Holmes, and wrote some spiritual works too. I have been spiritual and I know how spirituality works as I have gone through a full circle. When a man sees the complexities of life, nature and the universe and he is not pathologically selfish, he gravitates towards spirituality. My interest in spirituality was triggered by sickness. There was a time I believed in God because it's the factory setting for most people, and when the pain became too much I naturally turned to spirituality. My belief in religion is complex but I would try to explain how it functions. I believe in traditions, mostly the ones that don't discriminate and exploit, I have immense faith in mother goddesses and I turn to them for strength to bear my life and that's the only idea of God I believe in. I don't believe that there is a God that externally make my life better. In this sense I'm a believer individually and an agnostic socially but politically I would call myself an atheist. I believe in my culture and I respect my traditions and so I follow them, but I know that religion is a political tool of mass exploitation and I don't know about other countries but here even those who preach it do not follow it but use is just as a tool of crowd control. I'm spiritual, in fact I'm very spiritual. I turn to the idea of mother goddesses for strength and I have an open mind for new experiences even if they prove me wrong. But it turns out that I was not wrong. What I thought of as sickness wasn't sickness, what it was is a whole different story and I wouldn't really touch upon that but that gave me an idea about how things go about in this country. I focus on the 19th and 20th century because it has ample mix of modernity and traditions, we go back and we find that until 15th century it was the mediaeval era and the development of thought at least in the West started to happen in the coming centuries making 19th and 20th century a good time to focus attention on as far as examining the literature and development of human thought and technology is concerned. I have thought about Sanyas but I couldn't do it because of family responsibilities. Later I realised that in this country people are deluded into Sanyas. It's unfortunate for a country which has a vast resource of indigenous scriptures and philosophical texts but that's how things presently are. I focus on 19th and early 20th century because I assume that humans were, at least at an individual level, free back then. If they were not then things would go into the realm of occult, supernatural, paranormal which, again, would only make me more happy. Though whatever experience I have had in my life point to a technology of slavery. I don't know whether people were actually free in 19th and early 20th century, but I assume so and thus try to make sense of the literature of that time. As I have experienced it, I know that the world is still very mediaeval, and modernity is an eyewash. It's a pattern, one starts with logic and reaches to spirituality. Just like Conan Doyle did and so did many others.