The Great Experiment

Whenever I think I'm done with political writing I get ideas which I have to write down. It's since 2013 I have been exposed to the greater setup of this nation and I don't really consider it my fault that I got to witness some horrific things. Anyway, I don't want to lose sight of my goal that is to write things which are not political in nature which is kind of funny because I now realise that all art and writing is political. I would prefer to write about love but love in present times just exists as a relic of forgotten times and a thing to be exploited. If it is not present in a controlled environment, that the privileged have for them it is no less than torture but you have got to choose to either suffer for it or not. Suffering, especially the suffering that is inflicted on you which I now realise that it is political in nature and not of divine origin is artificial. You can salvage your soul, or more accurately your essence as I don't believe in things like souls especially in this economy but I sure do hope for it, and do what you are supposed to do. My priority is family because I know rest of the things including society and other people are, for better or for the worse, taken care of. It's surveillance at a whole new scale and it has been there forever. People are not dissimilar to pigs who are being force fed and then made to perform or the less privileged pigs are chosen for slaughter some times of a public nature. The only catch here is that the pigs are being force fed by feed bought from their own money. While I am a sucker for the grandeur of ancient India, Chandragupta Maurya, The Cholas, The Pandyas. I now realise that it is not possible anymore and it is because people are literally under the reign of village rapists. The most important thing is that India won't even achieve what China has managed to achieve, and while there are Bullet Trains in plan for the future in India it stops to matter because the soul of the country has been raped. I consider myself a nationalist but then I realised that nationalism means different things to different people just like any other ideology and it's the gap in the understanding of ideologies and philosophies of people that these village rapists, who are the true government of the country, exploit. It's an airtight setup of surveillance moonlighting as intelligence and providence in which shit can get real for people at any time for no fault of theirs and this airtight setup has a tadka of religion, which to my dismay didn't turn out to be what I thought. So prioritize your life, forgive your family and loved ones and do not forget to have as much fun you can without hurting anyone of course. The Bengal Tiger is the national animal of this country but my experiences since 2013 have made me realise that the real national animal of this country is a rabid dog. I'm kind of less nationalistic now, and more patriotic just towards this land and not to the government. People are already being turned into beasts which is what happens when culture is co-opted and destroyed from within. I wanted to write cool stuff in 2011 and that I will try to write. It doesn't matter but I'll do it purely for the joy of it as I enjoy writing. Always remember the basics it's only nature and universe that are authentic sources of joy, rest are just pleasures which you can seek or choose not to seek. 

Shanti Kunj

It's about freedom to listen to Trent Reznor; but the catch is that if you have to need the freedom to listen to Trent Reznor, Trent Reznor stops to matter. Hells can be designed for people and there are as many hells possible as there are people in the world. It's not about the hell, it's whether the individuals delivering hell to people deserve to deliver hells to people. I mean when undeserving gatekeep people from listening to Trent Reznor one is forced to think about it and then one realises that it is in fact only the undeserving who gatekeep people. Shitshow is tremendous and it's funny too. It gets incredibly funny when one has to go through a totally needless humiliation ritual, and especially when one has done nothing to deserve that. I'll give you an example of it. It is like someone invites you to a party and when you go to it, he humiliates you despite you having done nothing to deserve it. What does that tell about the one inviting you? Of course it is hatred and of course it is baseless. It was post my thirties that I realised that religion and politics, that too of rape and exploitation, are closely interconnected in this country. Before that I used to think that religion in this country is handled by the kind of people who wrote philosophical works on yoga, on Puranas and Vedas. Turns out it's is all a performative drama though one has to know and remember that it's not the fault of the philosophy but of those who have control of it. What I tell is bottomline, and while you should enjoy the delusion that is assigned to you, you should also know the bottomline truth. I find it funny that my region is so inferior that an asshole from South India can judge me solely based on my region despite having all the data about me and while I didn't consider my region inferior and which it originally wasn't, now I know for a fact that it is inferior I mean that's what you get when literal village rapists and extortionists control the culture. My culture is dead, and the final nail in its coffin was when recently Sharda Sinha died. There are a few glimmers of hope, like Deepali Sahay, but they would be consumed by the systemic exploitation and wouldn't be able to do what they are capable of. It was baffling to me when I realised that there weren't any religious or moral reasons for the suffering of people, these motherfuckers are just torturing and ending anyone they want based on their whims, the reasons they pull out of their assholes after they are done torturing and raping people. The basic game is of faux analogies, and it reminds me of a piece of writing that I read in a book from Shanti Kunj, Haridwar. A sage despite living a pious life suffered tremendously whole of his life and when during the end of his life he asked God why did he suffer in his life despite following every ritual and living a pious life, he was told that it is because he killed a butterfly when he was a kid. It's normalisation of suffering, which is okay if we are really stretching it but when we see the other side of the story the suffering is actually torture on the whims of actual criminals. I was into psychiatry but I finally realised that there is no recovery from psychiatric conditions in this country at least. When you normalise hypocrisy and schadenfreude in people half of the job is done and this has been already achieved in Purvanchal and that's why I say that my culture is dead. Authenticity only remains in lower classes and it is fast disappearing, and I make sure that I soak in it while it is still there. These motherfuckers with cock of the West in their assholes are making the unprivileged carry the burden of culture and traditions while at the same time torturing them. I like my Trent Reznor and gatekeeping Trent Reznor was a new development which manifested in 2013 but I'm thankful because I finally got to know what my lovely people go through on a daily basis. And this shit gets worse when you realise that it's your local mafia and contractors, unfortunately they are literally your God. It's hilarious to see that I'm deeper than the deep state of this country, but then my depth is the very thing ladies have always liked me for.

The Uneding Game

Being an outsider gives a 360 degree view of things. I would have never realised that I was an outsider to my own region, but turns out I was and for such a trivial reason that could have been negotiated with. I realised that I was at the margin of my region made an outcast for a reason that was neither moral nor ethical in nature which would have been acceptable to me. And what I saw next made me realise that while people have grand imaginations of their fates and future it is in fact based on the whims of bottom feeding criminals who unfortunately aren't even competent. What I saw from the margins made me realise that I am good at the margins as personally I wouldn't have wanted to be a part of such a setup. I have seen the reality and that made me realise that all the religion and spirituality even though helpful for common people, is actually hogwash. Though faith is important and it is in my worst times I relied on my faith and so should you. When you come to know that bottom feeding criminals are writing your Kundali there isn't much left to know, and you quietly accept your fate deciding to exist solely for the people you love. Love is great when you are privileged but when you are not, it's torture. Though I would prefer to be tortured for love anyday than be devoid of it. My beautiful culture got destroyed and now nothing can save it because of the very nature of the setup of control. Everything in my lovely culture has ended up becoming a performance, even love and it is so because authentic expression of love, kindness, community, honesty gets exploited as soon as it surfaces, so people are making do with performative aspects of them. The culture I loved so much died somewhere in the 90s and I finally got to attend it's funeral when I was tortured for no reason. It was funny to me to realise that the basics, that too in a place like Purvanchal, would be sex and money though it aligns with the pattern in the greater nation. I finally realised that Whites and the west are intelligent because they don't allow anyone else to be intelligent and the travesty of the whites of this country who, I finally realised that, are the village rapists and extortionists who managed to accumulate wealth and power after the British visibly left this nation, is that they aren't even intelligent despite not allowing anyone else to be intelligent. I mean there is a possibility it's a hierarchy and actual whites don't allow the so-called whites of this nation to be intelligent but then that's just an assumption. It may be that these motherfuckers are actually this incompetent. Life is all about choices and someone has made a lot of wrong choices and after thirty five years of my life, I'm sure that it's not me. I talk in bottomline and what I say might not seem true but if you peal the layers of the political reality of human existence, which I don't suggest you do, it is what you'd find. There are decoys abound to fool you and generalisation in such a scenario would seem foolish but this country and the assholes controlling it are so careless that they don't even bother about covering their tracks. India is the Bihar of the world which, might have been a compliment in Chandragupta Maurya's era but, is definitely not a compliment today. The saddest thing of all is that this is the state of this country despite having a treasure of indigenous spiritual systems and philosophies. 

Eastworld Dehat

We live in times where hope and reality would invariably come in conflict with each other. I mean I don't hope for a growth for myself where I have to consume innocents in order to grow. Although I'm aware of the big fish eats small fish scenario of this world. It's sad that despite all the progress humanity expresses itself as a food chain and one has to climb at the top of it by consuming the ones at the lower levels. Realising this reality was not a surprise for me. The surprise for me was the mass delusion the apex predators of our era blanket the people with so that they are easy to consume. Isn't it beautiful, human psychology is basically ethology in essence with all the so called empathy and "humanistic psychology" and spirituality merely acting as a decoy and as baits. As a physician my focus was on mental health but I ultimately realised that you can't really save anyone as there is a machine employed to consume people and make them destroy either themsleves or others. Here is a trick to identify good people, it's not sure shot way but still quite accurate. Good people hurt themselves instead of hurting others. There is a catch though, weak people also sometimes hurt themselves but that is only because they are too weak to hurt anyone else. So you know that Mahatma Gandhi was basically a good man, privileged, yes, but good too, and so was Subhash Chandra Bose not because he hurt himself like Gandhi but because he was ready to do anything for his people, even collaboration with Hitler. Hitler is a particular enigma for me, because he is portrayed as one of the most evil people to ever exist and yet I know individuals more evil than him in my personal life, just not with as much power as him and this makes me sure that individuals more evil and with as much or more power than Hitler exist. I mean Winston Churchill was as bad to India as Hitler was to Jews and yet no one hates him and there are countless other world leaders and dictators in history who have murdered more people than Hitler. Once you think about this, you realise it's all about who has the power to write the news and the history. In my thirty five years of life I have realised that inventing or discovering something is not the big deal, having the freedom to invent or discover something is. I have also realised other than survival being happy and having fun in life is what matters the most. When even the ability to do hard work becomes a privilege and jobs are used as baits, sitting under a tree and playing Uno with friends while trying to earn through less respectable (and I don't mean criminal or unethical) isn't wrong at all. AIIMSs and IITs have run their course and eventually everyone would realise that those who have reached in elite institutes in India and in foreign countries have not reached their "only" through their hardwork. This shouldn't have been the case, but someone in the establishment of this country fucked up real bad and now shit is out in the open and is an all you can eat buffet.

3D Pinball Space Cadet

It's my staunch belief that autonomy over oneself is what makes humans humans. Since I have realised that people don't even have autonomy over their own bodies and minds let alone their lives, and not due to some divine reason but a very cheaply political and criminal reason, life has become significantly easy for me. I was young and I used to play 3D Pinball on Windows XP. That was my first introduction to wormholes. Though I had already been introduced to the universe thanks to my school books, children's magazines and comics. When one realises that even if humans now terraform Mars they would remain slaves things kind of get into perspective. It's a permanent slavery that people live in and since the method has been once invented, if it is an invention, there is no going back. History now can be looked at with the lens of this slavery and so can be the literature of the past. I was interested in the universe, I was interested in terraforming but storytellers including those who use cinema to tell stories have been upfront about the truth, see Star Wars in which an evil empire rules the galaxy, or see the series The Expanse where people are made to mine minerals on asteroids. I used to think that it's a very bleak view of humanity but now when I know the truth of my region and this country and by extension the world, I don't think so. It is an accurate view and there is 99% chance that it is what will happen. I find it funny that I still believe in the chance of 1% it not happening but that's just the optimist and hopeful romantic in me. Things have only deteriorated with time and while the deluded believe that technology is progressing and "life has become easier", they fail to find real happiness. I, personally, would prefer to work on my farm all day and be happy and sleep a good sleep after a hard days work than have appliances and robots do my work and suffer with structure induced anxiety, depression and lack of self-worth. Of course it is all politics. But here is a catch, the common man is not even a slave, he is either an animal for slaughter or a beast of burden. The reality I have seen, I can't even now deny that the real setup is pumping people with depression and laziness so that they stay at home and order from "quick commerce" websites, the only thing India is good at while other countries make advancements in AI, to increase their business. Seems improbable? Well I have seen some shit and I know that it is not. When you see the depth of criminality and inferiority of those who actually rule this nation, which I have been, I would say privileged to see, you finally realise how deeply and how good the British fucked this nation. When you know what I know you would realise that structures like the IAS and judiciary in the British style which I used to think as a good thing inherited from the British, doesn't even matter. I mean what does judiciary matter when the actual guilty don't get punished and innocents don't get justice, in fact the actual reality is that it's the innocents who get punished and as far as IAS goes one good look at the infrastructure of the nation and the corruption inside the government and you come to know the truth. The bottomline is that it's a penal colony, and from what I assume, of the West like it has always been since 1757. The sepoys managing the country for the West aren't really doing a good job and are busy raping, torturing, extorting and exploiting people now just at a level where they can blame it on fate or God. The best part, I was nowhere in the picture. I just wanted to be a psychiatrist and a novel and comic book writer and here I'm writing about the Gangs of Wasseypur meets Orwellian Nightmare. My sole goal is to write authentic and beautiful things which keeps alive the spirit of greats like Anant Kushwaha but in the contemporary setting along with exploring other vibes and genres I like, I only write about politics because it's hard to find inspiration to write creatively in the present political state of this nation, though even if I manage to write what I want I will keep writing about politics once in while when it's absolutely necessary. 

Inside Bigg Boss's Asshole

Imagination is important and this makes me wonder about days when I used to write poetry on mermaids and jungle fairies. I never touched upon the apsaras and kinnaras and Gandharvas but one ultimately realises that if you have to think like that one is ultimately facing discrimination from either from inside or outside. My poems about mermaids and jungle fairies might be western but they weren't really meant to be it was just an expression of thinking the world is one and so is art which it essentially is if we excuse the politics but politics is too big to be excused in fact it is the very existence. It is much later I thought of writing Indian mythofantasies though I have always been supporting them reading scarce books about them and purchasing comics about them. You have seen Indian aesthetics in the paintings of Radha and Krishna and in the paintings of Raja Ravi Verma. I have seen them in comics I grew up reading, a lot of them Indian mythofantasies and works of great people like Anant Kushwaha elevating Indian folk tales into fantasies. The Indian reality could have been that, at least for the Indian nerds which the establishment refuses to acknowledge as it refuses to acknowledge any safe space in which people can quietly do their work and follow their interests as it hinders them in executing their kundalis which they have already decided according to their whims though this only applies on middle class and lower and the unprivileged high class people who are not part of the cabal. Now Indian reality is a mix of Indian section of Xvideos and scam calls. I mean when I was young and in college, I was into subcultures, like indie and hipster I followed Hindi and Urdu rock from Pakistan religiously. That got dismantled and all the people who used to follow western subcultures are being either being tortured, murdered or made bankrupt. I find it funny because the establishment is actually following the American playbook and translating American and other western methods of crowd control into colloquial versions and very crudely, the tragedy is that these motherfuckers can't even copy with finesse. The refinement that was present in lower stratas and the folk culture has been deleted, so that they can be exploited for their crudeness which they weren't earlier. You see Bigg Boss that's a foreign concept and it has been Indianised to feed voyeurism and schadenfreude to public benignity or maligancy of them differing from person to person. Bigg Boss is the actual microcosm of this nation. I still refuse to believe that it's Modiji, or only Modiji because of some very substantial reasons. And for me it doesn't really matter because I have no skin in the game as I belong from Purvanchal and my kundali has already been decided, I will be tortured till I die like the majority of people in the region so I kind of make sure that I listen to some good rock music while I approach my fate and if I manage to write something useful, entertaining and aesthetic, even better. 

Anything Goes

Living is surviving with scars if you are not privileged. There was a time when I used to imagine motorcycling to the mountains setting up a tent and roasting potatoes in campfire. I have realised that it is a dream in this country and even those who are actually doing that in this country it's just performative. It's not like you surviving in Alaskan wilderness and your society is approving of it. We, in this country, live in a multilevel slavery, starting from the government, society, relatives, I won't include family, and directly upto our nerves which again is the real government of this country and as far as my experience with this entity goes these individuals are not very intelligent despite having access to all the knowledge and data including your thoughts and memories and even sensations and very surprisingly incompetent too along with having no regard for human life. It made me finally understand the reality because it is reflected in the external appearance of this country I just didn't know that it was a hundred percent controlled and planned. The chaos India thrives on and people take pride in, is a hundred percent controlled, and so are the rapes of foreign tourists and even Indian women. Who would have thought that, not me at least. Since I have decoded the setup and written about it, there is not much left to write about it though I might still occasionally write my insights about it. All that remains as far as my writing goes is expanding on the beauty and aesthetics I have experienced throughout my life which is fast getting extinct. I have to remember that fantasy is not delusion because it is intentional and so when I read a comics about a half-demon half-man hero fighting a demon to save a little girl in an ancient mythical Indian village I know what I am doing, similar to it a comics about cybernetically enhanced teenagers from India fighting a terrorist organisation related to ancient demon cult in Afghanistan. I have an affinity towards samurai ethos of Japan, I have a liking for samurai swords. They have preserved their heritage, the Japanese, even if it is performative now and you can see instagram samurais performing their art. In India, they have not only disarmed traditional warriors but actively oppress them, and I realise the reason now, because when you are traditionally a warrior it is in your upbringing to oppose wrong which is not very conducive to a society where even dissent is manufactured and protest is performative. Real dissent and protest got left behind somewhere in the 90s and I find it funny because I'm not even a dissenting or protesting kind of a guy, I find it as a waste of time. I just like doing my job quietly. Beauty is of absolute importance here and you must make an active effort in increasing aesthetics in your life, especially the kind of aesthetics you love. As far as my culture goes, the true representation of it is in Sharda Sinha's songs, though I like Midival Punditz and other indie artists rock and otherwise too. I have seen the beauty so I know that it existed, the kids and even the Gen Z won't know the kind of beauty that existed in this country, the joy of community in working in weddings of people in your village. I remember how excited we used to be when we got cable television instead of Doordarshan through the antennas above our rooftops and it even went well till the early 2000s when it all converted into blatant, and not even classy like Doordarshan, propaganda. The Indian comics I loved, the creators of which are now trapped in conflict between Hindi and English, that's how deep the rot is. The comic book writers who raised a generation of kids are now being discriminated on the basis of Hindi and English. Conceiving beauty is hard in these times but try I will.