The Hunger Artist's Cosmos

Art is about subjectivity. It's not about how Kafka and Chekhov actually were, but how they made me feel. Then there comes the subject of common experience and comes the fact that all of the people who read and experienced Kafka or Chekhov or any other writer for that matter felt something that is common to all those readers. I read O. Henry, I read Conan Doyle I read many others, and I read Lovecraft. A lot of Lovecraft stories deal about limitations of senses. That there exist things that are beyond the perception of our senses and even our understanding. He gave it a horror twist, but the truth is that these things can be benign, malignant or even neutral. For Lovecraft, he imagined entities for whom humanity was so puny that it didn't matter to them. I like the idea of cosmic horror but my idea of cosmic horror is not only related to my not being a narcissist and thinking humanity as the centre point of all existence, just like they are in a lot of religious books and mythologies, but also, in part, even if minute, to an idea of cosmic retribution. I fully know that there is no retribution possible in this world, and I realise that probably that was the reason I liked Kafka. A lot of Kafka's literature is about political persecution. I became a Kafka fan ever since I became an adult, and I still love the fact that Kafka's works portray anonymous incomprehensible forces that are totalitarian and oppressive in nature. Well, for me they are not anonymous and incomprehensible anymore. But I realised why was I drawn to Kafka so much in my younger days. This "anonymous incomprehensible" entity commits unprovoked violence on the people. It is a baffling thought, but as a person grows up, the nature of the world and reality displays itself to him more clearly and he, if he is intelligent, understands the true meaning of Kafka's works. Conan Doyle's work mainly displays deduction, but his life has as much to offer than his works. He wrote popular and entertaining stuff, but he did seek truth, in his stories and in his personal life, and when you seek truth there comes a time when you have to make sense of what you "see", not literally really, by yourself. I have never liked Dostoevsky works, so I maybe feel dumb in front of people who actually like Dostoevsky, not really but let's assume that. Kafka's characters suffered persecution while being guiltless while Dostoevsky's characters actually commited the deed for which they were persecuted, still, when you know enough you realise that committing the deed is not proof enough of being guilty, but stating this brings a lot of practicality into the subject from which we will refrain. I like Guy De Maupassant and O. Henry, and also especially Chekhov, but I realise that I have overgrown that sort of sentimentality, though it was an important part of my development. Kafka and Lovecraft are the only truths. Only that Lovecraft is more fictional as it offers a false hope of retribution. 

A Man and A Woman

It's great to have a soulmate but not everyone is that lucky. It's easy to recognise the person we love. In men when they get the person they love they get a drive to survive, earn and make the person they love happy, and in women when they get the person they love they get the drive to care for them. The main deal is two people feeling these respective feelings for each other, otherwise it turns out to be a one sided affair. Women are often ridiculed when they say they expect their man to pluck the stars from the sky for them, when the truth is that when a man actually loves a woman he feels exactly the same, like wanting to pluck the stars from the sky for her. This country is an experimentation in eugenics and only the lucky and the privileged get to have their soulmates. If you are educated and not under the pressure of your family to get arranged into a marriage, your best bet is to marry your best friend, if you have any, in the opposite gender. I have been lucky to have few best friends of opposite gender but I was unlucky enough to actually understand my family too late. In my community and culture, marriage is an alliance between two families and it has nothing to do with the compatibility between two people. I came to realise it way too late, in 2015, when my marriage was arranged. When I came to realise it, I felt sorry for wasting the time of the few women I had been with, but it was an honest mistake. I was never after pussy, but intimacy, which as fate would have it, I never got, as you want your kind of intimacy. A lot of what goes on the world is transaction, you see comments of westerners on social media such as X or Instagram and you realise that for a lot of them (not all) it's a transaction. Men want good pussy and women want the cash. Situation is becoming similar in this country too as the time is passing. I had my preferences for a woman like everyone has for their partner, I would have preferred a woman who was from the field of science and had enough self-respect to not to care about my money. Though these things become small when you find your soulmate. The world shifts in the background when you find your soulmate and no, I'm not talking about the play of hormones and brain chemicals when you are newly infatuated or are in new love. Having a soulmate is a spiritual experience. I have had best friends who are girls whom I could have married to have a fun life, we could've enjoyed together, though that couldn't really happen. The best part of it all is that I found my soulmate, and I indeed consider myself way too lucky that this happened with me. Trust me, if you find your soulmate and are already in a relationship, you would cheat in a heartbeat, but the best part is that you won't feel the need to. People cheat for various reasons, because they realise that they have found the one, because their needs are not being fulfilled by their partner, because they are angry with their partner and want revenge, but the most common reason is that they are immoral and disloyal assholes. The fun part, women cheat as much as men, and a lot of them double down on their men while cheating them but that does not take away the fact the men are far worse in every respect when it comes to a relationship though it's also true that good men get cucked all the time. If you are unlucky in a relationship and have been arranged to a person whom you don't find yourself compatible with, trust me, give it time, the need for common survival will bring your relationship on track given you respect that person at least as a human being. If you have gotten into a relationship, it's now a duty, and you should fulfill that duty. Though it's true that things are effortless when you really love a person. Care for your partner, and know that you are in this shit together. If you have married an asshole then there is not much that can be done except taking it as long as you can take it. It is a real problem and you must deal with it accordingly. Love and sex are two different things and if you don't find your partner sexually attractive, just jack off to internet porn in private, and do not let your partner or the government know about it. 

Idealism in a Circus

The books on writing that I have read unanimously tell one thing, a writer's job is to say what other people think but don't dare to say out loud. I keep my personal and professional life out of my writing, in the sense that I do not discuss my family, job and academics. While majority of writers I have read believe in bare it all, only personal things I discuss in my writing are my beliefs and preferences and I somehow believe that in today's times these are the only personal things a writer should discuss, and discussing beliefs and preferences gives people all they want and need to know about a writer and there is no need to go into details of family life and professional and academic life. I keep my professional and academic writing seperate, where I discuss my professional experiences, and I do it because, since my field is medicine and health, I feel that it could be useful to other people. I'm majorly a fiction writer who writes non-fiction on the side, especially now when after knowing the truth of the arrangement of the world he has realised that fiction is redundant in the world of today. I still love to write fiction despite its redundancy and futility in the present world. I write fiction, and I write non-fiction and I write for practice. I think in the modern world I'm one of the few people from the late 2000s era who are still writing non-monetised blogs. To be frank I do not care if someone reads my blogs, writings and fiction or not, I write solely for my pleasure and for practice with the intent of bettering my craft as writing is the only art I know and it is one of the few things which gives me creative pleasure. I still remember 2010s when I was in college and I wanted to comic book writing on the side along with my main job. Comic book writing in an ideal world is one of the best jobs you can do, you can entertain children, and also teach them a thing or two. But as the word unfolded in front of my eyes, I realised that the world is far from ideal and there is no possibility that it would ever become ideal no matter how much technological progress it makes. The design of the world since forever is of predator and prey, it's just that now the prey doesn't know it's being hunted. There is only one way, create your personal fantasy about the world and live in it. I can't live in delusions as all my delusions, positive of negative I had since my childhood got broken in due course of time, so I created my own comfort zone, a fantastical place in my head and live in it. A majority of people do the same, intentionally or unintentionally. I live in fantasy but I'm not delusional, and my fantasy is intentional meant to keep away from the actual ugliness of the world which I unintentionally tapped into and got to see. There is a lot of beauty in the world too, but the ugliness of the politics trumps all. Power is the only true social currency, just like money is the only currency of survival. A man over 30 should know that there is no God except inside him. The God outside him is actually politics. That's the very basic knowledge a man above 30 should have. The existence for good people is suffering unprovoked violence sexual and otherwise. Those who think that it's not the case just do not know enough about the world. The main struggle for a good man is surviving socially and financially in a world like this without becoming rabid and a hypocrite which is actually a daily challenge. Personally, I have always needed rules or codes to follow, and I follow my codes. Life is fun when you live by principles, even though it keeps getting exceedingly tougher the way this country is evolving but that's the whole fun of it. Living by principles instead of living on instincts and impulses is what differentiates us from animals, and I like to keep that difference intact. 

Pop Talk

Kafka has been one of my most favourite writers ever since I stepped into adulthood. My life itself has been nothing short of Kafkaesque. The experiences have been nothing short of unreal, positive or negative, I have throughly enjoyed them. I have travelled beyond Kafka, and I suppose I have travelled beyond Lovecraft. It's funny how my interests have defined me. What you like defines you in some manner at least. I'm not ashamed to say that I was and I still am a romantic though romanticism is not really practical in this country when you have to run for survival all the time covering your ass with your hands to avoid getting sodomised by the cock of the providence. No shame in admitting that I liked 50 First Dates, The Notebook and The Proposal. No shame in admitting that I liked watching The Big Bang Theory, Brooklyn 99 and the American Pie movies. On the other hand I liked the Saw series too. I watched Saw when I was terribly sick, and even though the movie is basically torture porn, I like the idea on which it is based. I like Breaking Bad too. I don't like The Game of Thrones, though it portrays the absolute truth of this world which was and which always will be, and which got occluded from the vision of the common man due to technology. I like Harry Potter since childhood, and probably would always like it. I like The Matrix, which again is absolute truth portraying the reality of the reality we live in at present. In India, I like Hrishikesh Mukherjee's movies, Manmohan Desai's movies and David Dhawan's movies. There is not much in Indian pop culture beyond this. Late 90s and early 2000s were good for Indian music when we had Indipop, but indipop died and so did my interest in Indian music except classical music. I don't watch any movies anymore, Bollywood or Hollywood, except superhero movies. And I especially detest biographies and movies "based on real events". So what's entertainment for me at this point, books and superhero movies, and I collect the comic books I like. 90s was a great time for magazines and comics and I am glad that I experienced it before it died down. I'm also glad that I experienced the internet in 2000s before it got weaponised and also became a financial machine. I fulfill my need for sensuality from pop culture and books. That's the truth, and that's the way. Never fulfill your sensuality from real people is the only advice I would give. I would say the same for romanticism. It's safe. Though some people are privileged and this doesn't apply on them. It's an advice for the majority. I have my favourite authors, and Lovecraft and Kafka are at the top, Chekhov comes a close second. In Indian authors I like Premchand and Tagore. Indian English novelists post the 80s are all frauds without any exception. The Indian pop culture has been intentionally dumbed down to make people idiots. In late 2000s people wrote their feelings on blogs, it was when feelings still mattered. Now people sell their feelings and insanities in short form videos, and it's great, if you can monetize your madness why not, afterall money is the only currency of survival in this world and nothing is free in the world except air. 

Gup Chup

I absolutely love my culture and my hometown. As a kid you don't see negativity, all you see is people loving you and welcoming you. Best part about my hometown is that the common people are very loving and welcoming. It's a beautiful culture. I feel glad that I belong to an absolute gem of a culture and place. Though every place has at least two level of realities, but I am glad that the reality that concerns me, the common people, the culture is absolutely beautiful. I sometimes visit, small chai shops in my hometown and even Varanasi just to smell the earthy, the motherly smell from the sarees of middle aged and old women in the chai shops. I love eating bhuja on thelas, as my existence is pretty much non-political it's almost a bliss to immerse myself in culture of my land. I have had a beautiful childhood. Running to local kirana wala everytime I used to get money when I went to my village in summer vacations to get churan, namkeen and sweets. In the lazy summer afternoons, reading comics inside the naturally cool room of my village home. Villages were beautiful in the 90s, and I suppose even better in the 80s and going further back. I was there in the 90s so I can vouch for the 90s. It's a bit of confusion in whether the villages actually have become worse or I have grown up. But it feels like they have actually become worse, there is a liquor shop in the village which was not there before. I remember people having genuine respect for political leaders back then, I really do remember it very clearly, now all I see is parasites following politicians. Villages in the country became the first casualty of mass politicisation and and weaponisation of politics. If you want to know how my village actually felt like, I'd suggest you watch a movie called 'Nadiya Ke Paar' it's a beautiful movie and for me, nostalgia. I anyway know too much now and there is no going back to the ignorance is bliss stage. The problem with ignorance is that you live and die delusional and I prefer to suffer knowing the truth than remaining delusional. Though I don't like disturbing people's happy delusions, but in present times good people can't really afford delusions, it's absolute scum reigning, and I don't mean any political party, these scums are independent of any political party and no matter the party in power, they are constant. The downfall of culture in this country has been tremendous, but one cannot really blame people for saving themsleves. I'm glad that my culture is still preserved even if in bits and pieces, but I also know that the modernization has intentionally been channelised in a way that upon mixing with so called modernity and progression it creates a grotesque mongrel. How strange is it, the people who preserve the actual culture, no not the religion but the actual culture, are at the bottom of the hierarchy. The parents of the millenials are the last innocent generation. Any generation beyond that has realised that minding one's own business and being a hypocrite is the way to go. My hometown still preserves culture in the lower strata, the original, authentic love filled culture while the middle class have become mongrels chasing IITs and modernity. I don't know how long the culture will last but I hope that I don't live to see its demise. 

A Way To Live in The Wake of Totalitarianism

When there is absolute totalitarianism the drama of democracy can't go on for a long. Though it can be extended by pumping delusions in heads of people, majorly of a very personal nature. We are living in the extended era and people however poor they are always have something to lose, and thus this drama can probably be extended indefinitely. There are methods that have been and are used. There are various methods to neutralise people, intimidation, threats and blackmail are among those methods. Though when these methods are used at a whole different level, they lose their relevance and also the person on whom they are used, he loses faith in goodness, God and the system. When the totalitarianism that we live in in present times is realised, the question arises about the correct method of conducting and living one's life. One way is to adapt to the system and get on with the crabs in a bucket game and start exploitation of people who are weaker than you, as for this country it is the norm, oppression travels from top to bottom. The other method is for people who want to live an upright life despite the system being absolutely exploitative and demonic. I'm writing this for the latter people, who want to live an upright life despite the system being absolutely corrupt. It is very hard, but the truth is nothing is easy for people who live on ideals. The system mostly uses idealistic people as cannon fodder, and then ultimately makes them go against their ideals and then engineers a social humiliation for them for going against their ideals, this is one of the several ways used for upstanding people who do not adapt to the corruption. Anyway, here are some solutions for people who want to live peacefully without compromising with their principles and ethics. You have to know that heaven doesn't lie outside, in materialistic things and in other people, it lies inside you and extends to people whom you love and who love you. Hell, as the saying goes, is other people. We are surrounded by egotistical and malicious people, the only way is not engaging with them, if they engage all you need to do is stand your ground with dignity. You need money for survival and it doesn't come easy. Be professional at your job and in your occupation. According to what I have seen in this country in the last decade, this country is going to become progressively worse in the coming times and you have to brace yourself for it. Keep your relations, except for the people whom you love and who love you, professional and to the point. From what I know, and trust me I know enough, only to pleasure in this world is nature, and flora and fauna, all other pleasures in the world make you susceptible for political exploitation. I prefer plants, because they suit my nature, they only give, and they give incentives to others to propagate them. Even animals are good, I prefer dogs but even other animals are good. Animals, those which kill, kill out of need, very unlike humans who kill for greed and for sadism. Learn to enjoy solitude and learn to identify people. Do away with egotistical people. People with massive egos are the worst company you can have, though it needs an eye to identify the difference between ego and self-esteem and a good indicator is self-esteem doesn't take revenge but ego does. Finding the heaven within you, and spending time with your interests is the best gift that you can give to yourself. I like sitting in nature and reading books, growing plants, spending time with plants and trees. Your interests can be different, like making gadgets, or playing computer games, spend time with that. You have to realise that a good man has to make these many adaptations for a peaceful life because assholes who are in control never learnt to control their impulses and malicious impulsive desires, and you have to be clear with yourself that you are making these adaptations not out of fear but because you want to live in peace. It all basically boils down to the difference between individuals who prefer coexistence and the individuals who live on the expense of others.

Changing Times Constant

Ever since I started studying to become a physician, I have wanted to be a physician-writer. There have been many physician-writers in history. The one I got inspired from was Anton Chekhov a Russian physician-writer. You make your role models and you follow them, at least in your early twenties. I'm in my mid thirties now, and I see what is happening around me, you see social media and you'd see money and sex everywhere. That's the truth actually, money and sex. You see people monetising their skills and insanities on social media, and you see people going on and on about sex in different manners. The generation that knows values of relationships and deeper connection still is present between us. The generation that has communicated through letters, through expensive trunk calls and that generation is finding it difficult to adapt to modern world. Ever since I was young I seeked intimacy and not sex, the present generation wants the same it's just that due to the misinformation they do not realise it. Deeper relations are a thing of past for a lot of people. We have a lot of unhealed people who are either harming themsleves more or harming others due to the hurt they have gone through growing up. I have seen the edge of the world and I would tell you one thing, when you see the extreme edge of the world you'd realise that only thing that actually matters is family, or the people you love. Friendships are not practical in this country anymore, but if you have friends who share your vibe and if you understand each others limitations good on you. I wanted to be a physician-writer and so I write and I try to write something useful, even though I know that whatever I write people would read what they want to, and believe what is convenient to them. That's how society works. Something happens to you and you would find people laughing at you on social media, that's how social politics has worked since forever. You know what heals? Education. Education heals but only if it is given the right way. Education treats depression, education cures insanity, it heals madness. My favourite kind of people are those who blame themsleves. When I was younger I used to think of such people as self-important and narcissists when the truth can't be further from that. If anything they are responsible. People who blame themsleves are responsible people and world, if it was not the world of today, would've needed more of such people. Real narcissists do not even consider the possibility of any fault in themsleves. They live on other people's expense. The unfortunate truth is the individuals with rabid narcissism, egomania, megalomania and entitlement run the show. Though it doesn't matter anymore, given that when you know enough truth you realise that it's all make-believe. What remains is the people you love and who love you, that's what ultimately matters. Trust me, it's not an understatement when I say that love can move mountains. It really can and so the ones who run the show fear it and hence the world in the past two decades has deteriorated into crabs in a bucket game for sex and money and love has been made a thing to be exploited. I actually think in the present times it's actually good to do away with love except the ones you can't stop loving, as it would only torture you. The worst thing about love is that it causes immense pain. Do away with the love that you can do away with, but always remember that love is the purest and most powerful force in the world. 

Ego Gymnasium

How do you know your self-worth? I have devised a simple formula to calculate self-worth. It's the amount of ATPs spent on you compared to the ATPs you have spent intentionally. This is just self-worth in comparision with the population though. Real self-worth, however, is independent of population and arrives a bit late, when you come to know about your place in the society, the world and the universe. We are afterall just like fungus on rock revolving around a ball of exploding gases in an infinite space. Personally I have solved the problem of free will, I know that it doesn't exist. Though I do not know whether it is on various levels or just at one level. I know that free will doesn't exist, but it doesn't exist on a very social and political level, I have no idea whether it exists on a cosmic level or not. I spent half of my life finding a cure for pain and insanity only to realise that insanity is man-made and political and all pain is inflicted. What I found out in more than fifteen years after a lot of hardwork and suffering can be practically found out in five minutes or even less given you are in the right company. I was eighteen when I had decided to be altruistic and started practicing altruism. For me it was just a conscious psychological defence to compensate for my pain, a positive way to deal with my issues. Psychological defences are important and they should be conscious. I for long kept thinking that there were unconscious psychological defences going about in my head, that I was repressed but then I found the truth and it was liberating. The problem with altruism is that it really doesn't work in this country, every person you would meet would exploit you, no matter whether you are practicing altruism or not. I have altruism as a way of life, but I can differentiate between people. There are four types of people in the world, who would kill someone for a minor inconvenience, who would kill someone for a major inconvenience, third who would never harm others no matter how much they suffer and fourth those who torture and kill others for fun. The arrangement of the world has the fourth kind at the top, the first kind at the second place, the second kind at third place and the third kind at the bottom. One has to understand that in this country, and probably in the greater world too, the scum are found in the lower and higher classes, the middle class is the sandwich class, of course this like all information it is just indicative and shouldn't be heavily generalised. The lower classes become beasts due to deprivation, the upper classes are already beasts due to excesses and the middle classes keep busy in saving what they already have, their status, their delusions of dignity and social respect. For me it's been more than sixteen years practicing altruism and I have truly achieved peace from inside. I don't feel bad when someone exploits or take advantage of me, and very genuinely, I have reached this level of altruism and it took a lot, though I am capable enough to not let people take advantage of me, as far as power dynamic allows. It's all power and power dynamic in the end. The hand of God shifts in the direction where the power is. I have known it since the start and it never surprised me, until one day when the real heartbreak came and I realised that this country is corrupt at a level where no amends can be made. I made peace with my sense of justice. I made peace with my worldview. Not to boast at all, but they are pristine. The truth at social and political level is grotesque enough to make you realise that cosmic existence might not exist after all, well, at least not in a way people think it to exist. People in this country have egos indirectly proportional to their competence, and those who are competent have even more massive egos. I have cracked the code of survival in this country though, it is to have a lot of power (which unfortunately is not possible for everyone) and (a thing which is possible) to have a lot of delusional self-confidence and self-worth. Even narcissism and psychopathy works well, and yes last but not the least, hypocrisy is a must. 

One Ring To Rule Them All

When I was younger, I used to wonder why middle aged and old people watched news all the time and mostly no other television than news. It took me some time to understand but I realise why now. There are tiers of politics in this country, majorly there are state governments and then there is the central government and then like in Lord of The Rings there was one ring to rule them all, there is one, should I say government (?), to rule them all. I don't know if it can be called a government per se, it is a political machine optimised for exploitation. I'm quite a spiritual person, not so much of a religious man though I follow the traditions of my religion, and I realised that my spirituality has been colonised. To people who are embroiled in useless political and psychological designs of the world, I would suggest one and only true rule of the world, might makes right. One lives for long enough and one realises that people who are closest to you, your family, your loved ones, your partner can't understand you, but the the political machine that farms you knows you completely, though what I have realised that it knows you but it doesn't understand you, the reason being it doesn't need to understand you. Exploitation doesn't need understanding. Life in modern times, is like people walking around with VR headsets on their heads. Everyone tripping on their trips, generating more and more data for the great political machine that again puts it in use to solidify its already solidified invincibility. The constitutional government at centre and state level just being its henchmen. It was quite disappointing to realise that people's fates, destinies and Kundalis are nothing but whims of entitled, depraved, incompetent, sadistic and spoilt rich assholes in this country. It breaks my heart when I see the people in the country taking their lives and God so seriously, when in fact they are just akin to animals in an animal farm, destined for slaughter. Middle aged and old men watch the news because they know that it is only politics that matters. With all the grandiose talk in schools and colleges one finally realises that peaceful coexistence was never an option, the only option is surrendering to the exploitation and keep trying to survive. 

No Money No Honey

If you are from above than a middle class family, or are capable enough or have faith in your capability, you tend to take money for granted. Money is more than a thing used to buy things, as anyone who had gone through a tough time would know. Money is a language. It's used for social communication. Imagine if you didn't have money growing up. You wouldn't have access to the education you had, the books and pop culture that ultimately defined your hobbies and interests. I say I like reading comics, I wouldn't have said that if growing up, my family didn't have the means to buy me books and comic books, and it would have defined my interests in a totally different manner, though I'm sure, of course not completely, that I would have been writing and reading even if I was a little literate. Money doesn't define intelligence, but it provides you the means to become more intelligent, of course the definition of intelligence differs according to situations. Money helps you in non-verbal communication, like when you go for a meeting and you keep the brand new expensive phone on the table, or you go to an event and step out from a luxury car. I have seen severe illness in my college time, and it is when I became a minimalist, it was not a choice, the health was so bad that I had to make things easily manageable. So, it's then I became what I used to call a "one bag man", and became capable of living out of a bag. Of course this doesn't apply once one gets married, women are expansive in nature, and they have to be, as it's them who make a house a home. I still am a one bag man though, I collect books but most of my books except the ones of academic and professional nature are either on my computer or online. I prefer a small car, and I prefer an inexpensive phone with only two essential functionalities, that it allows me to write and has a long battery life, and one more, yes one more, a map. The talk is about money though and you can't have enough of it, because security is a thing and that's why people invest. One needs money for health, and for tough times which in fact most of the times are related to health. Health is in fact wealth. It's very late in my life that I realised that a big part of what I'm at least intellectually, I owe to money. Without money I wouldn't have access to education, both school and college, books, cable television, the internet. That made me think about the kind of man I would have been if I did not have access to these things. I would still have access to the culture, which in the time I grew up in, the 90s, was arguably, depending on your childhood memories, traumatic or not, was great. The kids of today do not have such luxury in the present culture which mostly consists of sex and exploitation. The system has evolved, and surpassed giving basic dignity of life to people. The system we live in presently, functions on giving people imposter syndrome and then exploiting it. The individuals above the glass ceiling indiscriminately prune or skim and discard the families or individuals who are upwardly mobile in class or finances. Everyone is selected, and we can't know since how long this practice has been there. Don't let their marksheets and degree certificates fool you. Every single person in a position of power or fame is exactly where he needs to be and if he is below the glass ceiling he needs to suffer his fame or success too. I realised that I'm not my knowledge or my interest in pop culture. I'm just an individual entity, who loves the people who he loves and who would ultimately need money to protect them.

Write Concepts #4

You have to find a balance in life. Finances are a constant worry, and I keep that worry at bay by indulging in creativity. I read books and comic books in free time. Video games are not what they were before, but still I collect them just for the guy who stopped playing them to focus on studies. And I also write. When I want to write, the first thing that strikes my mind is that everything has been written before, and yet I write. I like world building. Like I want to build a noir setting in an Indian setting. It will be suitable because this country is riddled with crime and corruption. One can play with gothic and victorian era sensibilities of Western and more specifically British literature as British had ruled over India and one can make the locations to be Indian hill towns and hill stations. I can also dabble with cosmic horror though only if I add an element of science fiction as an element of truth in it. I like to dabble in Indian mythological fiction too. These are the most of the genres I indulge in on a daily basis and to contain an element of truth they need to have an element of science fiction. It's not "science fiction" per se, as much as it is science but it is more of an occult science. And by occult I do not mean magic. Though I'm also interested in stories dealing with occult, and John Constantine is one of my favourite comic book characters. Fantasies are good too, and one can have Indian mythological fantasies, I have heard Indian fantasies from my babu when I was a kid and they are no different or less than Western fantasy, just not mainstream. Magical stories are also good and I know it's very generic for a 90s kid but I have been a Harry Potter fan. Still when I write even magical stuff, I need to have an element of science fiction in it just for my satisfaction and to portray the reality of the times we live in. I do not believe in magic, at least not until now, I do, however, believe in miracles of scientific nature. I hope occult and magic exists, but I know it doesn't. I really wish putting an eagle's feather and an owl's eyes cooks up a magical concoction, and that witchcraft actually exists, as that would be tremendous and mind expanding but there is no evidence of it and I'm open minded enough to accept them if I get an evidence and see it for myself. What actually exists, however, is science and it is no less than magic. My stories will feature men and women getting their nervous systems controlled wirelessly from afar and their brains always being connected to a network or a hivemind. The latest development in the field of science are chips which make people control their computers with their brains and chips which can make blind people (who have a functioning visual cortex) see, though as much as I know, and if it is not occult, things far greater than chips in the brain have already been achieved, and not only been achieved but weaponised too. It's a win-win situation for me, if it is occult it is universal and accessible to all without discrimination, and if it is science then it is a slavery situation. And anyway my definition of occult is doing things that are magical without help of an external machine, contraption or equipment. Like telekinesis, without help of an external equipment. One idea is that I dabble with cosmic horror with the perspective of science fiction in a dystopian world where people are neurological slaves and their brain and sensory data is farmed, exploited and sold to corporations. The present project I'm working on is science crime fiction and addresses scenarios where nervous systems of people are in the control of criminal organisations and enterprises. My belief is that unknown science is occult, and I also believe that science is reproducible and also that it can be analysed. When it comes to occult or magic and science, my bet is always on science, though I do not forget to keep an open mind and be open to the fact that there is a possibility, even if minute, that ghosts really exist and that some people might perform telekinesis and other things, as we see in comic books and superhero movies, without external equipments. It's a small possibility but this small possibility keeps the magic alive. I for the time being would work on crime science fiction project that I am working on, and then I have a world building project in which I have to experiment with world building in my favourite genres, keeping the Indian setting in my mind, individually and also by combining them.