Watchmen

One can imagine alternate realities, just like how Alan Moore's Watchmen in set in an alternate reality. One decision by you and you create an alternate reality for yourself, one decision by the ones who handle policies and they create alternate realities for the world. At present, and I would suppose since forever, but so efficiently quite recently than forever, false facts are being created. I have experienced the creation of false facts. It is a fact so you can't deny it, but it is also false, and since it is a fact you can't actually prove it wrong. To actually prove it wrong you have to get to and access the level it has been created at but proving that it is a false fact can only be done if the process of creation of false facts and the evidences of it haven't been deleted. History is written by victors and false facts are created by the ones who rule, it's all about the intent though and I ultimately found that the intent is not only not good but demonic. The false facts creators employ lower level employees to actively create false facts and they do it just like a worm moves, they first create a false facts and then take it as a fact, because it is technically a fact and then they create a false fact based on that false fact and then a long chain of false facts is created. There a lot of things that are being going on, one of them is numerous genders and now people are pushing back saying there are only two sexes trying to end the debate and ultimately marginalising the actual transgenders. The truth, the actual biological truth, is that there are two sexes and three genders and the third gender are the ones who are born with actual congenital sex and gender issues and because of the entitled or privileged individuals with psychological issues these actual transgenders which the dominant narrative refuses to acknowledge as transgender but specifically calls intersex, suffer. The third gender can include all the variation of sex and gender but that has changed and it amazes me how doctors are not only furthering these delusions but also making money by doing sex change operations which actually doesn't change the sex that is genetically coded in each cell of your body. Gender dysphoria is a psychiatric issue and it has now been made into a political as well as social issue and a method by which either corrupt or brain washed doctors make money by doing surgeries to "affirm" the gender of the dysphoric person. This is just one example of how false facts are created and there are many others in all walks of life and fields of science and of course in our mainly political existence. 

Notes From The Underground at The Top

I write what I want to read and I like to read authentic writing, and so I try to write as authentically as possible. I dabbled in transgressive fiction and I really wanted to incorporate transgressive elements in my writing and it kind of shows because I don't shy away from using transgressive elements when they are absolutely necessary. I believe that when the truth is not sanitary, writing shouldn't be too. My ultimate goal however is warm writing and while I might sprinkle some transgressive elements in it as required I want my writing to be majorly warm and authentic. I have written depressive stuff and I kind of like existential stuff by good authors but as I even though I might write it every now and then I don't want it to be my style as depression especially in the lower classes is a norm in this country now. It's increasingly difficult to find authentic writing today and that's why I rely on early 20th century European literature, and keep my writing as authentic as I can. For me writing is about warmth, truth and authenticity and it's one of the few things I truly enjoy doing and so I write. I realise the redundancy of writing after the complete realisation of the truth of this country and world but I think it is still kind of important to write, to document our times, and make people aware of truth so that they can't be exploited, as the rule goes, only good people get exploited. I kind of want to keep the comic book elements in my writing, a thing that I genuinely wanted to do. I'm not a political writer, I just write political stuff to document the truth of our times what I actually want to do with writing is to explore the universe, nature, consciousness, cultures and subcultures and build systems to prevent good people from exploitation and when I feel like it, despite its redundancy, write some fiction. Exploitation in India is inevitable because it's the very "providence" that exploits you, and so I would be working on designing and building systems that render it ineffective given you have the basics that is money, which again is tightly controlled and can be gatekept and made to bleed out by the very "providence". I enjoy writing, and for me its meaningful work especially when I look around and see propaganda by sold out assholes and bullshit written by the privileged forwarded by their circlejerk networks. I was a big fan of Jaipur Lit Fest but then I realised that it's a drama for the privileged by the privileged. Real writing grows in the margins and I want to grow it with style. 

Jaipur Shit Fest

Let me tell you how this country is really and actually governed. It's a bit oversimplified but you would get the basic idea. The top is busy drinking and going to EDM concerts. The ones lower than that who don't have the "class" to go to EDM concerts, as this is a real thing and you supposedly need something more than money and interest to go to Sunburn or an NH7 Weekender, are busy raping women and extorting people. The middle class is kept busy with relatives, and how a particular relative cheated or betrayed them and all that drama, and the lower class is busy being hand to mouth and getting exploited. Young boys are busy masturbating while being repressed turning into assholes and young girls are busy getting attention and getting harassed along with their "preparation" for a bright future. To keep things more interesting there are narratives at different levels in mainstream media and social media, some at the national levels on the lines of "feeling paroud Indian army" and others at local level like at present it's husbands getting murdered on honeymoons by wives which is basically conspiracies and scapegoating of people with less self-control and less knowledge. And these narratives unfold and people on social media enjoy them like a true crime drama making memes about it. Compare this to the times when Surabhi used to air on the television and kids used to read comic books. If BJP really cared about Hinduism it would have worked for making Hinduism aesthetic and promoting indic culture but what you get are poorly made propaganda movies, propaganda is not even the problem, the sheer incompetence in executing it is. I'll tell you the difference between class and budding cronies, check out the difference between Swarajya mag's mostly indic narrative and OpIndia's crude and rabid propaganda. Panchjanya was always Hindu nationalist and it was a fine magazine but shit got hilarious when I got to know about its twitter handle which keeps peddling propaganda and that too crudely in stark contrast to its idealistic Hindu nationalist narrative in the magazine. The truth however is EDM and sex. I started to see the pattern, which I had conveniently ignored, when I read about the elites of Iran and their kids living luxurious lives owning Lamborghinis and living in the West. Yes, the same Islamic Republic of Iran that hates the west so much. I mean I have loved MIDIval Punditz ever since I was a kid but when you live in a setting where people are being told the kind of music they "deserve" shit starts to get funny. The problem is not the litter of the rich attending EDM concerts the issue is what their employed rapists are doing to common people. It took me some time to realise that India doesn't really have a working intelligence establishment and even if there is one, they can't really be called intelligent. I mean I realise that the elites of India are bitch of America which is funny because their egoes suddenly turn massive when confronted with helpless and already exploited common people who they are turning into schadenfreude ridden beasts. When you can directly use Pavlovian psychology why go for more nuanced psychology seems to be the motto. I miss Indian comics though and I miss Indian rock music which I suppose might still be playing in some elite Gurgaon pub. 

Manikarnika Ghat

You know what is it about? It's all about belief and how strong that belief is and it is where the truth seekers get left behind, because they don't commit to believing in something until they know it to be completely true. I wanted to seek truth, and I got it, though it was not the truth I was seeking but the truth I got in search for the truth I was seeking is ultimate because it is what gatekeeps the real truth about reality. You ultimately realise that behind the drama of Satyamev Jayate it's just a bunch of motherfuckers making innocents pay for their delusions, and it's funny because either they are not capable of nuanced thinking or life of common people is so cheap for them that they do not bother with nuanced thinking. So, the ultimate realisation is that delusional confidence is as potent as real confidence and real confidence is rare because it is only found in people who have correct assessment of reality and their abilities. Science is a beautiful way of truth seeking and unfortunately in present times it too has been corrupted. You go on Google scholar or PubMed and you really have to try and find the actual truth among the bogus papers. It's another way of gatekeeping truth in the information age which earlier was done directly. I do not know about other regions of the country, but I do know about Purvanchal, and in Purvanchal the setup is exploiting any weakness, be it health, disability, insecurities or helplessness. I had no idea that behind the religious facade and housing the city which is known as "spiritual capital" of India there is a demonic and cowardly mediaeval setup that tortures and murders my beautiful people and since I know my people I know that they are not only beautiful but also innocent, and I'm not talking about the middlemen or pimps who mediate between the exploiting power and my beautiful people. These motherfuckers destroyed my beautiful culture and think that English is a language to be gatekept and gatekeep people from eating pizzas with their own money. I do not know the reasons I got into the mix but I'm glad that I did, otherwise I wouldn't have seen the demonic truth hiding behind the suffering of my people. As far as Varanasi goes, these motherfuckers were supposed to develop spiritual systems, and it's funny that despite the presence of "spiritual" specialists in the region, I can develop better spiritual systems than these scummy motherfuckers. All these bastards did was develop dogmatic systems of exploitation while an art professor from BHU goes insane just because she dared to study surrealism. It's funny because when I opened a clinic in Varanasi a prominent Hindi newspaper the name of which starts with "dainik" literally gaslighted me by putting up a flex near my clinic and it's sad because now when I know the greater setup I realise that these motherfuckers "the fourth piller of democracy" which print the news of rape, murder and extortion of people are directly involved in it. It's a closed ecosystem in which only those who have no moral standing and those who are ready to betray their own people are given entry to. Why was I targeted, I have no idea, though I have a bunch of hypotheses. The worst thing about Purvanchal turned out to be that those who control it not only do not have self-respect the lack of which they relegate it to common people just like a goat is sacrificed for the sins of people but also these motherfuckers are cowards. These motherfuckers couldn't even be the "elite pedophiles" and ended up becoming two-time criminals and extortionists. I don't want people from outside of the region to marry their sons or daughters in this region and I'm glad that I didn't end up marrying the women from outside the region I had affairs with. Diseases need to be contained. 

Action Ka School Time

How funny is it when you realise that you are living a life that is inauthentic and programmed in a backward region of a third world country and that neuropolitical programming is passed off as a divine will while it's actually the local mafia and politicians of your area. When I realised that my mind and body have been colonised the least I expected it to be by Shankaracharyas and psychiatrists, I mean that's how I thought being the idealistic guy I was. Turns out that these are village rapists employed by local mafia and politicians which ties to the greater oligarchic feudal structure of politicians, corporations, industrialists, godmen and mafia and old money nexus and I wonder if the government is oblivious to it, which given the incompetence of government officials at the lower levels surely seems to be the case. Finding out that culture and religion, that too in a country like India, is a scam was too much for me to handle but I survived it, and I suppose we are happy if we cling to our delusions like majority of people in this country do, and the truth anyway would cause cognitive dissonance in people and I definitely do not want to destroy happy delusions of people though it's a whole different thing that the way things are going on in this country they are going to be shattered anyway for the majority. The greater setup has gone for absolute totalitarianism and cronyism and blaming it on the BJP government, though BJP has a part, and I suspect, a big part to play in it, is still not cool. It's not only BJP as a lot of good intentioned people and activists are deluded into thinking. The setup has been there since forever and it's permanent and now they are just tightening the grip, silently genociding people and families that could be a threat and homogenising the culture as a diverse culture is difficult to collect intelligence on and judge and control. What actually controls the minds and bodies of people is an entity that acts as both providence and intelligence and it's what basically God is in this country. The design is family oriented as politics needs family as a unit to enforce backgrounds on people and assert their lineage which unfortunately for the assholes on the top is not very conducive as the country just got independence about seventy years ago and before that their ancestors were sucking the cocks of the British, though what these motherfuckers lack in pedigree they make up in cruelty. It's Slumdog Millionaire style gouging eyes out with a hot spoon kind of cruelty going on, the rape of Nanking never left, it's just got regular and sporadic and I say this because the control is absolute. The most unfortunate thing is that these individuals are not even intelligent, despite having access to all the knowledge in the world and also people's thoughts and memories and what they lack in intelligence they try to make up with cruelty. For me the era of Rasna Jungle Fun and Rasna Aqua Fun and Action Rockers has ended and so it has for a lot of 90s kids. The respite only is to be found in the YouTube comments where people like us can validate our memories and experiences that they in fact were real and common. What remains is systematically induced mental, emotional and psychological trauma that can be exploited possibly throughout the life, and depressive cold war Russia aesthetics for the middle class and slum existence for the lower classes. 

Opiate of The Masses

While watching the religious and political drama after I became an adult I wanted to really end the discussion about faith and religion once and for all for myself. I think faith is a personal thing, and people should keep it personal and that's why I keep my faith personal. My political stand is that of an atheist though I have my personal belief system as far as faith goes. I believe in a supreme soul which you can call as Paramatma and Mother Goddesses and I derive my strength from Goddesses Chamunda and Saraswati. If you are a Hindu you have to realise that Hinduism is a syncretic belief system and anyone trying to convert it or pass it on as a monolith is mistaken. What is monolith in Hinduism is actually Brahminism and that's where all the dogma arises from. Being in the world for quite a while and a bit as an adult has made me realise that when people consolidate power the first they ensure is security of money and resources and sex. Since the control we are living in is at the neurological level and there is no way for common people to retaliate against it, especially when the manipulation is passed on as fate or religious or karmic consequences, the control has converted into exploitation and rape. You have to realise the ultimate truth is power dynamic and domination and that has been historically achieved by sheer and blunt force and deception. That's how Islam propagated in Indian subcontinent and even countries like Persia. Islam might have been a good belief system for uniting the Arabian peninsula but anywhere it went after that it just destroyed the indigenous culture, and like Brahminism it is a political philosophy and when it cannot use sheer force it employs adaptation and waiting to increase in numbers and then asserting its strength, and this modus operandi is well documented, it obliterates the remnants and evidences of existence of the culture being invaded and tries to homogenise the culture and from the perspective of those being invaded, not in a good way. After becoming an adult I realised that the India I grew up believing in only exists on books and paper, and since I belong to Purvanchal I realise that it's basically slavery, albeit at a neurological level that is being practiced in Purvanchal and I don't know about other regions, in Purvanchal and by association in Bihar too it's about retaining the right to freely exploit and rape people by those who hold power in these regions. If you are a Hindu I would suggest you choose a deity that agrees with you or let Him or Her choose you and derive strength from Him or Her. Try to preserve the rituals and traditions that agree with you. I spent my childhood in a Muslim majority area so I know that it's not about people, because majority of my childhood friends were Muslims and they were just like you and me good people trying to live their lives, it's about when a philosophy and ideology overcomes the mind of a person. Syncretic Hinduism is almost extinct by now, replaced by dogmatic Brahminism, the same kind in which you have to donate a golden cat to a Brahmin if you kill a cat by mistake. Always remember the basics, it's power, resources, money and sex and people who see these things as the basics exploit and rape people who see peace and happiness as the basics. I am a firm believer that lower castes should change their religion to some indic religion, like Buddhism. As far as Christianity goes, Christians in India support Muslims thinking that they are minority and it's mostly a survival tactic of supporting other minority community and getting support from them to avoid getting exploited and persecuted by the majority. Though truth is complex than that. The real greater establishment of this country, as far as I realise, is under control of whites, Muslims and iPhone communists and Brahmins work on their behalf to control the lower stratas according to Manusmriti, though it's basically Manusmriti only for good people and that means exploit anyone who can be exploited which basically means exploitation of good people. Hinduism, the real beautiful syncretic Hinduism that our ancient designers designed is dead, what remains is political Brahminism. You have to realise that all other religions except indic religions have their actual bases outside the country and they are well protected, except Parsis of course whose homeland as well as original religious places got consumed by Islam. The ones who got power from the British, if they got power at all, sold this country as well as Hinduism. There is not much that can be done, but the least you could do is find God within you according to the knowledge left by ancient masters of this land and try to preserve your culture and traditions in whatever little way you can. 

Indie Slave

Although I wanted to be a novelist and a comic book writer by the mid 2010s I realised that the kind of political setting we live in, these things are redundant. I gave up my ideas of collaborating with people because anyone who collaborates in this country end up having differences and since I know the deeper setup I now know that a lot of them are not just mutual disagreements, a lot new age filmmakers who were collaborating on new age projects ended up having differences and their endeavours shut down. A lot of rock bands in the country ended up breaking. Few of the modern comic book companies haven't shut down because their collaborators despite being of Indian origin are based in USA, though it doesn't matter as comic books anyway don't sell in India anymore. By the late 2010s, I decided to write independently and while I still write fiction every now and then and want to write my novels just for the sake of it and  for fun, without publishing it commercially, I lack the cognitive abilities and imagination to bring my vision to fruition and it's funny because I had better cognitive abilities and imagination when I was a kid. I do not consider myself a writer, I just write for recreation and try to make what I write useful to those who read it. The deeper "administration" of this country, if you can even call it that, is at present basically a shit cycle, shitting, eating it, again shitting and eating it again and this cycle continues infinitely, in fact it has been on for a while now. What does it mean? Well it means intentionally degrading the society, and then taking that degraded society as a reality and then again degrading it further and then this cycle of uneding degradation keeps going on and is still continuing. The ones at the top are drunk on pleasurable impulses, although artificial, which is akin to remaining drunk all the time without the side-effects and only deal with the lower stratas to play games at the mental and physical level which are similar to the movie Hostel though the modus operandi is not direct and these games are, in lower stratas, integrated with religion too so a lot of people think they are some sort of religious consequences. We are living in islands of our individual needs, desires, traumas, insecurities and delusions disconnected from each other trying to hold on to our lives and loved ones while absolute scum employed by the ones at the top keep disrupting our lives. Imagine being hated by someone you don't even know and especially being hated by someone whose very first impulse is to rape the woman they don't like or torture, humiliate and murder the man they don't like. Here is the kicker though, the hate isn't even based on any tangible reason and most probably they are projecting their own inferiorities and insecurities on you, in short the your suffering is not due to God but whims of bottom tier criminal scum. I still write, I wanted to get behind the truth of mental health as a doctor and I finally did it though the unfortunate thing is the truth itself is such that if I write it, it makes me seem mentally ill. I enjoy writing and I hope I develop enough skill to write warm and aesthetic stuff without cognitive abilities and imagination and just out of pure skill. I can only hope for it. Fingers crossed. 

Slaughterhouse 108

There is duality in how women are treated in this country, below a strata they are a prize and above a strata they are fleshlights and none consider them human. I have indulged in locker room talks with my friends but for me and a lot of guys they are like dark humour, a source of fun without actually meaning it, the problem arises when the actual providence of this nation treats women as inferior and as fleshlights, and even the most inferior bottom of the barrel scum of the establishment that governs lives of people shares this sentiment. The masculine needs the feminine though I discarded my need for the feminine when I realised that it is something that has to be achieved through money and status instead of genuine mutual appreciation among two participants and desire to spend life together. I married according to my family's wishes despite being too young to marry and I made my marriage a happy one so it doesn't really matter, but it's not about me, it's about the setup and how women are treated, as baits for men, as fleshlights, as spoils of war by the entity that is essentially and practically at the place of God in this nation. The general situation in this nation is deteriorating and I truly have no idea how much hand in it is of the government in power because I know for sure that it's not only the government running this country and the totalitarianism that is being practiced is at a deeper level of existence and it's been like that even when Congress was in power. It's not a problem when you are not aware but it is a problem now when I realise that the control is absolute and centralised. How funny is that in the reign of a government that claims to be hindu nationalistic the refinement of indic culture is disappearing and crudeness and vulgarity is flourishing and if someone opposes this systematic approach of lowering the narrative of lives of common people he would be hit with "oh you watch pornography on the internet", you see the mechanism, don't you? These bastards are weaponising the very needs of people against them and preventing them from expressing them in a mature, dignified way turning them into hypocritical beasts. They first did it with lower classes, destroying the folk culture retaining it only as tokens to show the whites in five star hotels and then they are now coming for the middle class. Earning an honest living is actually getting difficult in this country, they real went in for all out totalitarianism and having dirt on every citizen of this country and rendering them susceptible to blackmail when the need arises. I mean that's one way to retain the power. Hinduism is dead, the actual Hinduism, the one that gave exiled Parsis shelter and it seems to me that now it is a bitch of whites, Muslims and communists and the gameplan of amplifying the dogma while deleting the tolerance is going on. It's funny how demonic levels of sexual repression and rape coexists in this country and I'm sure that if a common man finds his soulmate or even a friend as a companion he would never cheat, I mean actually and intentionally cheat. These motherfuckers are depriving people of genuine connections while keeping the Indian family and relation dynamics which includes relatives intact as it just gives them more field to play with. I'm a writer at heart so my muses fulfill my need for companionship and given the status of women in this country it is better for men to have fictional women instead of projecting their ideal woman on a poor lady who is already being oppressed and manipulated in this shitty nation. I mean I have Druuna, I have The Bride from Kill Bill and I have so many other women who are basically idealisations of men to give me comfort. I think the way they are turning men into rapists in this nation, it would be a better approach for women too. This country is over, what remains is a slaughterhouse in which most animals don't know they are being slaughtered, some like me however are completely aware of what is coming for them. 

Trainspotting

There are complexities to existence and all of them are political in nature. I kind of miss the illusion that people once had of making their own lives once they turned eighteen. The kind of Black Mirror reality I have faced in my life, and without any reason is kind of hilarious but it made me clearly understand the value of life in this country. Those who actually govern lives of people in India, and I am not talking about the government though the government or people in the government might be complicit in it too, are unfortunately not very intelligent. I got exposed to the greater system that governs this nation more than a decade ago and at first it was all about me, my background, my life, my relationships, my affairs, my romantic interests and to be fair I have lived a pretty straightforward life, except some psychological trauma and insecurities so that really didn't affect me but while the shit was going down with me I realised that not only these individuals are criminals at a genocidal scale but they are also not very intelligent, in fact they are not intelligent at all. It also made me realise that this country doesn't really have a working intelligent establishment and from what I saw and experienced it seems that this country is on lease to foreign countries and corporations though I'm not sure about this part. It's sad because even the lowest bottom feeding scum of this establishment, whatever it is and I surely hope that it's not the government, is not at all moral or religious, in fact it seems that being a rapist is a qualifying quality, though religion and morality are used for exploiting and torturing people with impunity. It's not the criminality that baffled me, but the absolute lack of intelligence and the stupidity of this establishment which I ultimately realised that it encompasses and pervades lives of every human being in this country. It was horrifying to realise that people are governed by such incompetent and stupid retarded assholes who have less than zero value of people's lives and they do not even have the ability to properly understand people. I have three hypotheses why I got exposed to this setup, one would be the local hatred from my region which is funny because the actual community I lived in and with during my childhood was and is beautiful and I love my community and lovely people of my hometown so it would be the local establishment of my hometown and region, what makes it more funny that I haven't lived in my hometown and even region for most of my life. The second reason would be that I was a physician who wanted to be a medical scientist and a researcher in psychosomatology and the third reason is that I have been a writer since my college days and I wanted to write novels and comics. There is a fourth reason too and since I have been exposed to this setup for more than a decade now it is the most probable possibility, that these motherfuckers are torturing, raping and murdering anyone they want. It was funny to see involvement of godmen, politicians and very famous Hindi newspaper and other media establishments. It's funny for me as it is a total "sadak se utha kar star bana dunga scenario" for a person like me, who just wanted to take the pleasure of healing and soothing people. Though I finally realised that mental health issues are just political persecution at a deeper level and that the basic political setup of this country is a multilevel stratified oligarchic feudalism and democracy is just a scam. People are feeling it now, and it's sad because majority of people in this country and my region specifically are good people who just want to earn and spend time with their family. It's funny because I turned out to be a totally wrong guy to pull the kind of stunt they pulled with me but in the process I finally realised that religion in present in this country is a scam though I would assert that God does exist within people and ancient masters and designers of this land had left methods and frameworks to find God within ourselves. It's baffling that individuals running an ancient land with plethora of ancient knowledge and philosophy could be so retarded but then you got to see it to believe it and I have seen it for more than a decade, a time that is more than enough to get two PhDs in any subject. The torture and suffering has been immeasurable but it was only because I was kind enough to let myself suffer because I wondered maybe it was me who had unintentionally done something wrong when ultimately the "establishment" outed themsleves as petty criminals and rapists. The issue with me is that I only fear what I respect and with exposure of a decade all respect has eroded because of the things I saw. It's funny because purity is still a thing in this setup and I find it funny because we live in a country which is one of the most dirty places in the world at the physical as well as psychological plane. Anyway, my life continues and it will continue. I wanted to write comics but now I write on the internet and independently. One thing I would say though, that the technology of control in this third world country is top notch.

Anusandhan Va Vishleshan

You imagine her wearing a chiffon saree, just like Vidya Sinha in the 70s Bollywood movies. You imagine standing and eating bhuttas with her in rain. You lost her very early, before you could even realise that you lost her, and thank God you did, she wouldn't have faired well in the rape republic. Romance has a charm of its own. The next generation won't see the kind of love I have seen, they will think that love doesn't exist. But then dodos too don't exist anymore does that mean they were not real? Things are calculated, people are being bred like animals, like eugenic experimentations and love doesn't stand a chance here. Marry your best friend they say, well, that's for the privileged and that too is an experiment they just don't know it. The mathematics of politics is getting funnier day by day it's a literal bhelpuri of chance and absolute control. Who could have thought of this combination? At least I didn't. What remains is pleasure, that too if you are privileged enough to seek it. I can seek pleasure, no I'm not privileged, I'm just ready to bear the consequences of pleasure whatever it entails but I don't want pleasure, never did. What I did want was happiness, and that I am. I am happy against all odds. I'm happy with who I am, I am happy with my choices and I live in unbearable pain and absolute bliss all the time. Heady concoction, isn't it? I can watch the booties too, but unfortunately I have realised that every woman in this country is a concubine in a harem and I don't like slave women. I like free women. Yet to find one who is free and that would be tremendous if it happens. I'm a retainer and I needed a master, and it was a heartbreak when I discovered that there is not one person in the world deserving to be my master, not one. And so I get ronin tattooed on my chest, on the heart side even though it kind of looks like only criminals, whores, broken people or idiots get tattoos, and yet I got a tattoo just for a medical significance. Tattoos are scars medically and here it was, the scar, a ronin, a samurai without a master. I have evolved, and much to the chagrin of the local establishment I have grown to be my own daimyo, heart and soul. There are women who are Vidya Sinhas in their chiffons in their hearts who are made to do social striptease. Here I'm a retainer who was without a master, who became his own. Isn't it sad, individuals who keep this nation as a harem aren't even deserving to be daimyos? Honour doesn't even exist as a concept? Though once its gone it's gone. It's a master's capability to identify virtues and when those who rule fail to identify virtues in people and also become incompetent in it, things really go on autopilot. My Vidya Sinha left to never come back and so would the Vidya Sinhas of countless good boys of this country who don't know the Pareto principle's 80, 20 rule. The rape republic doesn't need warriors anymore. It needs extortionists and rapists with no moral compass. It's the worst possible situation but the good news is that things can't go worse than this, no, don't get your hopes up, they aren't going to get better either. 

At The Mountains of Madness

The importance of fictional worlds can't be overstated. I prefer fictional worlds because the actual reality of the world lays bare in front of me and after the discovery I keep doing the things that I used to do before getting enlightened about the political truth of the world, that is to immerse myself in fictional worlds created by people. Game of Thrones is an accurate description of the actual world, and I have never really liked that franchise though I definitely watched and enjoyed it as piece of entertainment. My kind of fictional worlds are Phantom operating in the jungles of Denkali, or Nagraj operating in Mahanagar. I like the kind of fiction where God is not corrupt, and goodness has a fair chance against evil and criminals which, as I have realised, is not the actual case. When the whole world was not mapped by satellites and Google Maps and Google Earth was absent people used to fill the knowledge gaps about other places, regions and cultures with their imagination and while some of it ended up being stereotypical, a lot of it was imaginative and beautiful. It was the awe of seeing another culture with an accepting heart and filling what one didn't understand, with warmth. The thing to notice here is that the white culture is globalised, they do not fear losing their culture while in India people are afraid of losing their culture, that's what colonisation does to people. The whites can make movies about mummies, african tribes and everything else without ever fearing cultural threats while in India actual cultures are getting extinct. I kind of understand when South Indians make hue and cry about Hindi imposition because it's an actual threat but what they don't know is their culture is actually systematically being destroyed and they are not aware of it and it's not even the whites doing it anymore. It's all Indians, of course the ones who have consolidated power, changing refined and layered cultural narratives into simple narratives of survival and vulgarity. When I was getting exposed to the level of control that is exercised on people I realised that the whole game is keeping people alive and yet deprived of basic human needs, turning them into beasts who do can't fulfill the hole in their hearts despite doing unspeakable things. Common people, now can't have layered narratives of existence like their grandparents had. It's stratification and fortification of stratas in which only those who are ready to betray their own people would climb up. When this is the reality, I would prefer to stay with Phantom and Nagraj or derive my pleasure from cosmic nihilism of Lovecraft. Be aware of the reality, but also find yourself worlds that you can escape into. Things, as they look, are going to get even worse. 

Global Warming

Life didn't turn out to be as complex as I thought it to be. It's quite simple and it gets simpler as you mature. For common people it's about food, clothing and shelter and relationships and of course money due to which these things are acquired. It's funny how people spend their whole lives failing to realise this basic truth. I mean if the world was fair, money wouldn't have been the basic truth but love and relationships would have, but then world hasn't been fair and if you have read history and properly it hasn't been fair ever. When I say it hasn't been fair, I mean it for common people, for those who hold power it has been nothing but fair. Real power as I have been able to confront and experience in the past decade is about retaining the right to freely rape and murder people and for exploiting them for accumulating money and resources. This is not the truth of our beautiful planet earth but it is the truth of the world that has been created by humans. I am just glad that I have been able to get past the illusion of free will and the happy delusions and I would have been happy to be deluded and doing my job but unfortunately I have been able to get acquainted, and not voluntarily, with the individuals who run this shitshow called the society or the world and they are beyond the worst kind of demons you can possibly imagine and within diffrent socio-cultural contexts. I'm glad that there are no surprises in store for me, except actual natural surprises of course. I don't know about cosmic free will, but even if it exists, one's free will actually doesn't exists due to the covert, underlying political control that has the capacity of more than hundred percent control and absolute hijack of a person's free will, well at least the unsuspecting ones, and the entity that exercises this control does it while it holds people responsible for all their actions and even the actions it does through people while they are in control and oblivious to the control. Of course the blueprints are morality and law and social conventions. How cheap it seems when one realises that it's just the rich playing videogame with lives of people, but then this cheapness is existence for majority of the people in the world. I heal allergies, skin diseases and chronic conditions and whatever I do becomes pale when I realise that there is active genocide going on in this country and the world and covertly. I can just take pleasure in the fact that I treated a person's allergy and he or she doesn't get it anymore, while he is being manipulated and exploited and then murdered by genocidal rapists employed by more powerful genocidal rapists. Existence of God is out of question in this setting, but the old designers of this nation, and I don't know about rest of the world, were kind enough to give us framework to find God within ourselves, a framework which these bastards are destroying day by day. Fear doesn't really help in this situation and so one has to ultimately discard it. Nature is still beautiful and the universe is still vast beyond our comprehension and so there is no dearth of respite. 

Outrage

After getting exposed to the absolute reality of this nation, life for me has become better. I mean at least I'm not deluded. I think it's the ultimate realisation that all existence is political. I, however, would still continue working on aesthetics. I imagine Indian aesthetics like Raja Ravi Varma's paintings and there can be multiple interpretations of Indian aesthetics like there have been in comic books. There is not much that can be done. It's funny that a comic creator who seems so intelligent on Twitter and actually writes great turned out to be behind shitty cartoons on Cartoon Network post the golden age of Hindi dubbed cartoons of Cartoon Network. I can clearly remember the downfall of the media industry started when Ben 10 started airing in India, I mean Ben 10 isn't a bad cartoon it's just a milestone. Here is an assignment, go to youtube and search for Batman Beyond or Batman of the Future intro and watch it, you'll understand what I'm saying and if you want to feel the warmth watch the intro of Batman The Animated Series on YouTube. 90s kids were blessed to see cartoons made by actual good people. Genndy Tartakovsky is my childhood hero. The best social media is Youtube commets, better than instagram, twitter and facebook. It is there you find people like you. I didn't know anyone other than me liked Tribes 2 and I got to see numerous people with similar nostalgia as me in a Tribes 2 video. One dude who used to write comics in India now does BJP vs Congress on his podcast, totally needless and unproductive but there is not a thing that can be done about that. The dude I talked about, the intelligent comic creator who is behind shitty cartoons on Cartoon Network has a comics company and I keep praising his comics despite finding them shitty because I want them to continue and I know that eventually they will become better. One of the owners of Raj Comics has launched a new comics company called Alpha comics and although the comics is not as great as Raj Comics I bought the comics just to support the endeavour. There is a Bengali dude who used to write for Virgin Comics and did a retelling of Ramayana in comics and he is a part of another comic company that I support. Kids in India don't read comics anymore and are busy in going to Kota, though the way totalitarianism is being practiced they will eventually learn that every successful person is selected and they are just wasting their parents hard earned money. After realising the reality of this nation, I have realised that the only good occupations in this country are farming, if you have ancestral land, and own business even if small. Though I'm a big proponent of completing one's education at least till the bachelor's degree. I'm glad that I'm an individual writer and I can write and create whatever I want, otherwise if it was a group project, it would have been like how the established rock bands are getting broken in this country. I'll create and promote aesthetics that I prefer and Indian aesthetics at a personal level and I think it is a great hobby. 

Thou Art The Ruler of Hearts and Minds of People

As I matured I realise that emotional trauma is great for personality development just how catholic guilt is great for it. I studied in a convent school so I know a thing or two about catholic guilt and it's funny how Hindu, Christian and scientific cosmology existed simultaneously in my head and I don't think that's a bad thing, all it taught me was tolerance coexisting with rationality. The best part in all of this is that I had a extremely happy and warm childhood, yes resources were limited but I didn't want anything more than comics and I still remember how my father got me a remote control car despite my mother's objection. The issue is that now a lot of kids are being deprived of happy childhoods and since I know the truth of this nation now I realise that it is to produce automatons who can be easily controlled. The political situation is such that you don't belong to your family and your family doesn't belong to you at least it's the bottom line when all delusions are stripped. They have really gone for a Snowpiercer style stratification and ensuring that the fourth class continues to rape and murder each other. I mean you have to actually learn Defence against the Dark Arts the psychological version to deal with these motherfuckers. I finally got to know the truth of why it's the good people who always suffer and the truth is because this country at the psychological plane is governed by genocidal rapists who think of goodness as a thing to be exploited. It's however the parents responsibility that kids have happy childhoods but the way totalitarianism is spreading in the world, parents are ultimately going to be helpless. The least they could do is try and they will due to parental instincts but then the setup is such that even parental instincts can be made to get compromised. I have seen this shitshow for a decade and I'm now sure that there is no greater purpose to it, these bastards are actually doing whatever they want, murdering anyone they want and raping anyone they want. I mean I couldn't have thought that this could be the truth with all the religious, mythological, moral bullshit that we studied in school but who are we kidding we have been seeing this India throughout our lives, choosing to ignore it. Though I ultimately realised that this "India" lives in our heads and in our nerves. 

Yatra Naryastu Pujyante

If there is one thing that I can tell you it is to keep your life absolutely simple. Know what you really want and work for getting it, it doesn’t matter whether you succeed or not, trying is what matters. When I was younger, I wanted for myself a woman with whom I could talk about the universe. Turned out majority of women are retarded, just kidding, it’s not their fault. It’s the men. We live in an exploitative world and country which is optimised for exploitation of every weakness and thus when it comes to women it expresses itself in the form of patriarchy though it is not actually patriarchy  it is a selfish exploitative setup that expresses itself as patriarchy because of one simple factor that men physically have more strength than women and for this simple fact thousands and thousands pages of feminist literature has been written, it's simple Occam's razor. Since it is this “patriarchy” in control women are "allowed" to do things, not to take away from their suffering and effort but ever since I realised that the control is at the level of minds and nerves things became particularly clear to me. There is no shattering of glass ceiling, these women are just allowed in. Some women may feel offended on it, but I truly don’t say this to downplay their hard work, effort and suffering, when you factor in the control at the nervous system level, that’s how things actually turn out to be. I grew up loving and respecting women and I have since childhood always considered women superior to men, I mean they are in a lot of things but now that superiority is diminishing it is due to the politics of the times we are living in. Since the slavery we live in is also individualised know that it’s privilege that brings success and not hard work. This country has fallen, and the deeper establishment of this country has always exploited women, in fact at the nervous system level this setup is optimised for rape so you must realise that in the deeper establishment of this country rape is not only a component but also a priority. The deeper establishment of country and it might be different for every region but the region I live in, that is Purvanchal, raping women of a person’s family in front of them is a way to assert dominance and it is a way of life, though secretly, for those who wield power. Women for the actual establishment that governs this country are not more than fleshlights, except the women of their own families and these whores as I have had the privilege to witness are complicit in the rape of lower-class women. This country doesn’t understand the concept of context and it is intentionally kept away from them when it comes to women, while lower class, especially middle class people fiercely protect the women in their family, they are being raped at the level of mind and nervous system and the truth is, at least for Purvanchal, that this is not singularly political control, these individuals are actual rapists. I respected women but my experiences with life told me that you don’t need to respect all women, respect the feminine and know that women are people and there can be assholes within them as well, so respect the person and respect the feminine. Here is a fun fact about the actual tribal deep state of this country, daughters of Army officers end up going in Bollywood and you can see the numerous examples that are there. I mean I wouldn’t have found anything wrong with it, until I became aware of the true soul of the deep state of this country in the past decade, these motherfuckers are pimping even the daughters of those who protect this country, I know it sounds crazy, but it is unfortunately true. I feel bad for good boys as they are the ones who are getting cucked, but I have realised that the ones who are truly good never really suffer no matter how tremendous the suffering is, their suffering is just at a superficial level. The problem is men, and assholes both men and women. I mean women become prostitutes, but it is the men who traffic and pimp them. I have respect for prostitutes in India because more than eighty percent of them didn’t have any choice and are only there because of men and once one realises the truth of this country at the nervous system level one realises that every woman in this country is, if not a prostitute, then concubine of those who assert power at the level of mind and nervous system and who really own this country. I mean I’m glad that I came to know the truth and realised that finding a woman with whom I could talk about the universe is a far cry in this country and especially for me given the region I hail from. It’s men, it has always been men, and they are rapists and it’s not going to change because everything is about retaining the right to rape anyone they want. This is the truth of this country, and it may possibly be the truth of this world too. What should a good guy do, well I saw a meme a while ago where a reporter asks a guy who had won a lottery about what he was going to do with the money won and he said, “hookers and cocaine”. Situation is so bad that at this point I won’t even feel bad if the good boys of this country turn to this lifestyle, though retaining humanity after getting into this lifestyle is the real challenge and I would strongly advice against such a lifestyle. Remember, nature and universe is all you need to find solace.

Whistling and Yodelling

When you get rid of the delusions all that remains is absolute truth. It's painful at first but then it becomes kind of liberating and the knowledge that it is the truth, however terrible it may be, becomes comforting. If we see nature, and even if we excuse clothing and shelter, water and food were supposed to be free. It all ultimately boils down to politics and economics. A good way to do a hitjob on people who advocate clean water and food as a basic human right is falsely accusing them and branding them as communists. Truth is that a lot of communists in history, other than those who actually controlled the ideology and the setup were good people, who thought communism was a way to an equitable world, they were wrong but then we can't blame them as there was not so much information freely available as it is now. The truth is that no ideology is good enough and all ideology would be ultimately co-opted for greed and power consolidation. Humans have a way of pissing on poles. The only good ideology is minding your own business and doing your work honestly. When I see kids in South India getting eggs and other things in meals during mid-day meals, I compare it to eastern Uttar Pradesh, a place I was proud to belong to but now I think it's unfortunate that I belong from here, where kids get rice and salt for mid-day meals. These motherfuckers are demonic to say the least. Though I'm just glad that it's not the common people, who are beautiful. My culture has been destroyed and there is not a thing that I could do about it. You go to Varanasi, the "spiritual capital" of India and people use Indian mythology and religious scriptures to cope, and unfortunately a lot of scum of the earth use religious philosophy to justify things to others as I have grown to realise that these low-life scum do not need to justify anything to themsleves they have co-opted religion for exploitation. I am probably one of the most tortured people on the planet and you can take it with a pinch of salt but also remember that I am a physician and so I'm, other than my personal experiences, aware of what actual suffering is. The truth of this country which I have been able to decode after demonic levels of physical and mental suffering delivered most probably by my hometown and region is that it is a multilevel oligarchic feudal structure, and not in a good way, behind the facade of a functional government and its totally not about BJP and Congress in fact Congress can be directly blamed for where we are today. It's politics, religion and economics co-opted for cementing power and for profit and has been weaponised against common people, in Purvanchal it's the state of complete totalitarian slavery and the fun part is that people are kept uneducated so they think it's their fate when the truth is that absolutely uneducated, corrupt and incompetent assholes are doing anything they want with the lives of people and unfortunately with the lives of people who are way better than them in all respects. The best part, I had no business in all this. I just had academic and research goals and I wanted to help people as a physician, didn't really offend anyone, did no protest of any sort so my suffering really seems like a pre-emptive strike though it gets diluted and turns into simple local hatred when I realise that I have been going through terrible physical and mental suffering since more than twenty years. 

This is Beyond Science!

Modern internationally standardised science is just one way to see the world, there are other ways to see the world and you can see the world in your own way given you focus on the truth. Truth can be seen and told in different ways. You see the 19^th and early 20^th century scientific works and you realise that science back then had aesthetics. I’d suggest you read psychological works of William James to find out. Science, and even mathematics had soul back then and it was not soulless and “modernised” like it is today. If the end goal was totalitarianism, educating people was a big mistake for those who run the world, but then the financial cycle of the world too must keep running which needs people having education, the rest of people can be deluded or prevented from having knowledge by other methods. I prefer 19^th and early 20^th century approach to science and mathematics; it makes me feel kind of steampunk. Aesthetics change, like how mobile phones from Nokia’s creative designs have ended up becoming all the same and same with their GUIs. Trust me, you might not know it yet, but the times have not become better, back in the days you could actually defend yourselves, now even self-defence is not an option. You are the fodder that is shovelled in the big machine to keep it moving. I like modern standardised science, you can see how cool it looks when you see labs in Hollywood, like the lab in Morbius or so many other movies. I prefer old, steampunk kind of 19^th and early 20^th century science which used to have warmth. The warmth actually was in people, but it carried forward into the science they did. You can also see how India used to do science. Our science was done in Sanskrit. It was our standardised way of doing science. We used to do math, medicine astronomy and so many other things in Sanskrit. The truth remained the same, the facts remained the same but the way it felt, changed. So I guess you get my drift, science can approach with all its truths and facts in ways that is different from the modern internationally standardised science. It’s kind of like changing the language of science and it changes the aesthetics of the science while keeping the facts and the truths same. Standardisation is necessary for science to be able to make science convenient. Like if someone names a gene HLA B27 it becomes an entity with a name and a person who studies it later might study and take it from there finding new things about the gene and further naming things he finds, it’s all about extending frontiers, but if you study people who are uneducated you see as many approaches to science as there are people, they make their conclusions according to their repeated experiences which proves something to them as facts, it is an empirical method and its linguistics might be different but it is in fact science and like standardised science works on saving the knowledge until now in scientific papers, this knowledge gets saved in the experiences and is conveyed to other people and next generation by the method of communication such as speech. This is how humanity and science in humanity evolved. The recipe that only your grandmother used to make in the whole wide world is now made by your mother and you too have learnt it. We live in times when even standard science can’t be trusted anymore. There are millions of bogus papers being published and especially in countries like India and when even scientific papers can’t be trusted you have to understand that situation is actually dire. Though good thing is that those who really control the things in the world have access to the truth and also accurate science, but it is out of reach of common people so the only option we have is to empirically confirm even scientific papers.  

Eat, Pray, Love, Survive

It was a task, finding my authentic voice and although I could write in different voices what I wanted to do was find my authentic voice and it felt great when I finally was able to do it. Once you find your voice, however hard it might be, you don't really lose it. It's like riding a bicycle. I love this country, I like the idea of India and I love how great the constitution is but then I have had the absolute, what I see as a privilege but might not be because of the suffering that is involved, opportunity to see what this country is behind the facade and it's not good. There are truths that can make a person insane and the saddest part is that no one is safe from this reality that pervades our life. What's saving the people, as long as they can be safe, are delusions. I was studying Medical Physiology and I had the plan to get a post-graduation in Psychiatry, and then a PhD in Medical Physiology. My personal goal was to access and research the domain of psychosomatology, while it couldn't happen due to my life's circumstances I did get enlightened enough about the domain I wanted to dedicate my life to. The truth is simple, psychosomatology is where all the pharma moolah is at and the individuals who are profiting don't really want anyone to access this domain. I anyway realised that physiology is anyway has become, behind the backs of common people, so advanced that any research I could have done would have been redundant and is being used for political purposes. I casually switched to being a general physician and furthering my knowledge in hospital administration, deciding to pursue PhD in Hospital Administration instead of Medical Physiology. The truth is not deep, the real truth of this country is in fact so cheap that people would be baffled. I keep writing though because it is the only authentic source of recreation I got and I try to make my writing useful. The totalitarian setting we live in, only help writing can do is bring awareness and if I'm able to do that, nothing better than that. Always remember, education is everything. It guards you against exploitation and behind all the facade of a stable government, this country is actually run by an exploitative machine. I used to be enamored by characters of grey shades in stories and media but I finally realised that truth of the world is actually black and white, grey isn't simply there. The assholes get empowered by evil and turn into predators, it's a kind of adaptation and good people when they find evil within them become sick and then the assholes profit off the sickness of these good people. Who would have thought that the truth of the world would be this simple, not me at least. There is no respite, but there is escape and one should wholeheartedly commit to escapism while being aware of the actual reality. I'm glad that I have my voice, it's just like how people in early 2000s used to talk about finding themsleves. Finding ourselves is hard because of the politics that pervades our lives. While I don't claim to have found myself, I do have a voice that resonates with me and my basic beliefs and I use that to do what I enjoy doing, writing. 

Short and Sweet

I like reading short stories and I kind of prefer them over novels, unless the novel is really, really good. One of my most favourite short story collections is Baum Plan for Financial Independence by John Kessel, I was in third or fourth year of college and it kind of vibed with me, my personal style and preferences but above all the actual truth of the world. I mean I liked what I read back then and haven’t read it again, but the experience stays, and it is among the few reading experiences that I remember like when I read Harry Potter as a kid or when I read Tolstoy. Short stories are underrated and not everyone can do justice to them though I’m glad that I grew up in an era when there were a lot of authentic short stories, written directly from the hearts of people. During college I read a lot of Kafka’s short stories, and I liked the vibe, I was already in depression so the depressive atmosphere of Kafka’s work and the truth in it felt sweet to me, and it felt like “at least someone knows the truth”.  Even Sherlock Holmes is mostly short stories. I kind of started writing short fiction around 2010 and still write a bit here and there when I get the inspiration and even though my language skills weren’t great, they still aren’t, I kind of like what I wrote for a guy in his late teens and early twenties. It’s all redundant now though. Short stories like any other story don’t matter anymore after the world got connected and changed and some would argue, for the worse. But I still read stories short or long because they are an experience. Reading short stories or even novels is an experience and this is what protects them from becoming irrelevant. You read Lovecraft and the feel the grand mythic nature of his stories and their warm nihilism. This is the very reason I never totally gave up on writing short stories, and even now every now and then end up writing a flash fiction. After getting exposed to and bearing the brunt of the reality of this country, I promised myself that my writing will do either of two tell the truth or make people feel and preferably do both. I’m more of warm writing that comforts kind of a person but then I lean towards the transgressive too, so I sometimes experiment with mixing warmth and transgression. Reading is one of the ways you can explore the world without travelling and explore the minds of people. I hope people who have kids now are buying them comics.

RAM OK, ROM OK

Videogames are great. I started, like a lot of kids of my generation, with 8 bit games and then graduated to pc games. I have never really owned a console, first because I couldn't afford it and later because I became a proponent of pc master race. Games like all media have impact on you. One of my favourite games of all time is Half-life. The protagonist of this game is a PhD in Physics. It was one of the small reasons I wanted to do PhD. When the time came I wanted to a PhD in Medical Physiology, but then later as my life circumstances changed, I switched to Hospital Administration. There are countless games that people are nostalgic about and you can find your tribe by shared passion of those games. Like Quake 3 Arena, Tribes 2 and Unreal Tournament. I like freestyle motocross and my first exposure to motocross was Motocross Madness the game. Videogames too are a form of storytelling, just an interactive form of storytelling. You play games like Call of Duty and you get exposed to war and espionage and their technical intricacies. I remember back in 2004 I used to play Age of Empires 2 with my friends on a dialup LAN. Age of Empires is my favourite strategy franchise, though I'm thinking of giving Civilization a try too. My favourite games? Half-life, Age of Empires, Motocross Madness, multiplayers like Tribes 2, Quake 3 Arena and Unreal Tournament 2004 and bunch of small games like Neighbours From Hell and Monekey Brains. Oh and how can one forget DOS games like Wolfenstein 3D, Doom and countless others. I still remember the disappointment went BioMenace won't run on my PC. I'm a big fan of Max Payne series and it was my exposure to the noir genre. When I stopped playing I was regularly playing San Andreas. It was back in 2008 and then there was radio silence as far as gaming was concerned in my life while my engineering college friends got exposed to the drug called Counter Strike. I never really played Counter Strike in a way they played so couldn't really develop the taste for it though Counter Strike itself evolved from Half-life. It was in 2016 that I decided to see what was going on in gaming world and downloaded Steam, played some old games on my not capable laptop and later got myself a gaming laptop for the shame of building a gaming rig being a grown up. The first thing I did is buying all the games I missed during my hiatus from gaming. I don't play much still, but I have all the games that I wanted to own since childhood and the ones I missed out on from 2008-2016. Games, like comics, expose you to new worlds and that's why they are important. I find it funny that I, when I was in 12th used to click centerfolds for models in Playboy The Mansion, I spent a lot of time in that game and it was based on The Sims. I like peaceful games like The Sims and have spent countless hours during my childhood playing Zoo Tycoon, building my Zoo. Games like Assasin's Creed take you to historical settings, you can explore feudal Japan in Ghost of Tsushima, you can explore countless historical as well as futuristic worlds through games and I find that it's great for me if I want to continue writing. I'm not as excited about gaming as I was in my childhood and teens but I collect games and see them as an opportunity for exploring and accessing new worlds. Games allow you to do things that you wouldn't do in real life, I mean you won't run over pedestrians and beat up prostitutes in real life like you do in GTA. 

Chicken Stake

Life was great when Chicken Soup for Soul books used to get published. Chicken soup is comforting, anyone who has had chicken soup during cold knows that. I remember the beautiful time of around 2012 when I used to actually believe in things, in science, in government, in future. I mean science still kind of stands, though weakly but other things are simply not there. What remains is pure power dynamic. You got to establish your supremacy; how did this country devolve to this. Well, this is the bottom line so one can become prepared, I mean those who can manage to prepare themselves. So 2012 was a great time for me, lovely time in a homely setting. Balcony, Dunhills and the Moon. It’s still comforting, the chicken soup and things are still great but there is one thing absent. Fear of the unknown. The fear of the unknown has turned into the disgust of the known. And I mean it’s kind of very King Solomonesque justice-based disgust. What days those where, there used to be Aadarsh Balak memes, in which Aadarsh  Balak from the posters of 90s childhoods used to smoke pot and beat up his classmates. It took me a little time but I got it, I mean that’s what a lot of Aadarsh Balaks are doing, except me who got his kundalini awakened and third eye opened, just kidding there is no kundalini awakening, it’s just your mind making a totality of patterns you have seen throughout your life according to your personality and basic preferences. I mean I’m kind of a lot like Julia Cameron (the author of Artist’s way) but unfortunately due to the videogame this country is, I had to develop a Stephen King in me too. Isn’t it a great life, healing people, coming back home and reading books and playing videogames? That’s what my life is at present except one caveat, I am aware of what was unknown to me and now is known. It’s unfortunate but safe too, because end result is same in both, being aware just saves you extra suffering. I mean humans are into pain avoidance and pleasure seeking and while I was never a pleasure seeking individual but I kind of wanted to avoid the pain that was not essential, turns out all pain is nonessential. I kind of enjoy videogames, have been playing them since childhood and there was a break from 2008 to 2016, but since I didn’t want to play the games the grown-ups play, with the blessings of God of course, I switched back to videogames though I don’t play them much, but I do collect them. I am playing the greatest game a grown up can play so I kind of avoid other mini grown up games like office politics and such things. You should understand the setup of grown up games too, it’s like a cybersports veterans playing with six year olds. So you should realise that grown up games are not really a big deal, the stakes are real of course but not for those who play them, which is kind of disappointing.

Satyamev Jayate

The Matrix is full of quotes like, "ignorance is bliss." While it is actually bliss, knowledge only remains painful for sometime and then it becomes bliss too. Knowledge is a beautiful thing. Like if someone is sick physically or mentally and they get a diagnosis there suffering is reduced, they don't live in the fear of unknown. There are countless people who are living life of someone else's. I won't go into detail but this is what is happening in this country and probably the world. The best phase of my life, that is college I wrote poems about a man who has everything yet he has nothing and it is later I realised that it was because someone else was living his life. Long story short the providence weaponises the lower class criminals, who are mostly rapists (actually genocidal rapists) in their intent, against the middle class and that actually reflects on their employers who are literally what the employed are in intent. It's like a video game where you are the main character they are the players and you have dodge and avoid guilt trip, victim blaming and fear of the wrath of God and misfortune among countless other things. What has changed in the past decade, I mean something else has changed other than the government, yes the internet, but something else, something that one can't point their finger at. When totalitarianism in your head and nerves and consequently your body too, democracy just becomes a larger playground for games with lives of people than a form of political system, and I have had the absolute privilege of seeing the total uninvolvement of God. The setup is such that God couldn't really have been there, at least the God we grow up learning about, it's basically counting your blessing all the time like thankfully it's not me but them. Though it's a great setup, but for me the most baffling thing was the kind of individuals involved, having deepest access to the thoughts, memories, minds and bodies of people. I wanted to be a psychiatrist and here I realise that psychiatry would only help if "God" will help. Whatever I witnessed was sad and heartbreaking but once you witness what I have, you become free. Parents getting weaponised against children, children getting weaponised against parents and weaponisation of other relationships against each other, it's purely nature at work, you are weak and you get consumed, though it's disappointing how the curtain of humanity and civilization is still used to hide this beautiful natural way of "governance". Like you can weave a conspiracy for a person like spider weaves it's web by mapping their relationships. All relationships are mapped and not in a good way, not in an understanding way truly knowing the depth of relationships but in an exploitative way, like someone is playing a real-time strategy game with and assuming the characters have no feelings at all. You belong from where your server is located, and your server is located at the place your culture is present, your original authentic culture. There might be at least six or seven cultures located in U.P. itself. You know this information and you realise why poor farmers are committing suicide with debt trap. Your culture, the culture you love so much is purely financial in nature. This in the days of Neuralink is the true enlightenment. 

Naruto From Mirzapur

I got to have my creative milestones for inspiration. Of course I have to depend on the 90s Indian comics book narratives for getting inspirations for the worlds I want to build and that small window of globalised Indian comics narrative from late 2000s to early 2010s. Remembering those worlds means being able to access those worlds and getting inspired from them. Fantasy is the way, as I have realised. My imagination is effectively capped so I can't do much except trying but try I will. Here is a suggestion, read the comic called Odayan that was a product of late 2000s and early 2010s creative window this country witnessed. Also, if you want read, The Sadhu and Devi. My belief is that different narratives can coexist without clashing and it only aids in diversity. Comic book collecting is an expensive hobby, and I have realised that indigenous creativity and stories are intentionally being stifled so that Marvel and Japanese media like Anime can flourish in this country, though personally I'm not against Marvel, DC and Japanese media like Anime as I like them too but not at the cost of indigenous creativity and stifling of indigenous stories and imagination. As simple as this country is, I have realised that it is being done because indigenous narratives empower people and while empowerment from foreign comics and media can be neutralised with approach of discrimination based on faux nationalism, discrediting empowerment derived from foreign media by discrediting it as foreign and other methods. Not to mention the moolah that is poured in by foreign media corporations especially American and Japanese. My goal with comics and comic based movies was simple, entertainment and escape but then I realised that there is a bigger game at play here, and anyway in the past decade I have realised that the main source of entertainment in this country, except for pious and good people who are steadfastly decreasing in numbers, is demonically repressed sex acts. You see the entertainment media in general in this country and you realise that in the past decade it's been mostly about localised narrative which mostly consists of betrayal, local mafias and police procedurals of murder and rape. While darker themes are ok, they shouldn't be the only options people have as far as indigenous narratives are concerned, the other options are daily soaps which are escape for middle class women and a deluding factor for lower middle class girls. The saddest part is that corporations like Discovery who exposed us to nature and made us see dreams of flying cars in future are now shamelessly peddling inaccurate propaganda and indigenous "true-crime" documentaries. It's basically grooming and priming people for schadenfreude so that they lose all moral standing and can be exploited on the basis of it as morality has been since forever the blueprint for exploitation. These bastards have neutralised everyone who could have built kinder and aesthetic narratives and what remains is an ecosystem of exploitation and schadenfreude. 

Muhnochwa - The Monkey Man

Life has its complexities. I wanted to be a writer ever since I passed school. Since I was studying medicine, I looked up to physician-writers such as Chekhov. I had a belief that suffering makes people artists, I do not have any such delusions anymore. What makes artists, like any other profession, is imitation and repetition. If you are not given the context, you won’t be able to distinguish between the art of a truly good person and an absolute scum of the earth. Writing is redundant but I still write because I have things to share with the world, and all my writing is open access and free, you can use it without being thankful to me even if you ever feel like being thankful to me. If it causes you trouble, just remember that we live in a world where truth causes trouble. These are unprecedented times because the social and government institutions have collapsed, what you see still standing are just props. It’s funny because one would have never thought that the controllers of the world, this country and the society would finally go ahead with absolute totalitarianism, but here we are. Those who are not feeling the air getting heavy, good on you there might be reasons for it. We live in a penal colony and some regions of this country are worse than others. Though the drama of homogenous and equitable governance goes on. After years of wrestling with individualised absolute totalitarianism I have finally realised that fantasy and escapism is the only answer, and it’s a permanent answer. Just don’t choose harmful ways of escapism. I belong from Purvanchal, though I haven’t lived in the region for most of my life, but I finally realised that the region had been living with me throughout my life wherever I lived and went, not in sentimental way, as there is no scope of sentiments left in this country anymore, but in a very practical and political way. What I thought as my feelings were actually intimidation and exploitation. I guess anyone who has visited a psych ward knows that some people are born with a target painted on their heads. In this country, and I do not know about the world, you don’t get emotional and psychological traumas and mental health issues so that you can recover, it’s part of your fate and you should learn to live with it. Halfway through my college I wanted to go into the field of creativity and entertainment, I thought those who make entertainment are good people who want to entertain people to make them happy, while I still suspect that it might be the case with Hollywood, it’s not the case of India, these are scums who know that they are making propaganda, at least a lot of them. I really wanted to write comics along with my medical practice but then comics have run their course. Kids in this country, especially in the totalitarian setting that’s going on, don’t need comics. They can and will play hunger games, not sure if for their entertainment, but for entertainment of others. I don’t trust the entertainment of this country anymore and last time entertainment was authentic in this country was when TVF and AIB were making fun of celebrities. I have, for my own dignity, have mostly shifted to pre-2000 entertainment and books except for the social media because it is directly from the people. I still follow comics and I’m excited for James Gunn’s Superman. Like I said escapism is the way, only the deluded would like Scorsese in the  world we are living in today. American professional wrestling is still good, because it is entertaining and it is technically the true depiction of the world we are living in, only difference being those who organise American professional wrestling are a thousand times kinder than those who run the world. The collective soul of people of Purvanchal is beautiful, or at least it was till the 90s, the soul that governs this collective soul is rotten and corrupt to the core. The basics for this soul, that governs the collective soul of my people are sex and money which due to unchecked power and irreversible advantage in power dynamic, since the control is at a level where retaliation is impossible, has turned into rape and exploitation. Though I would argue that this is the condition of the whole world, this country only looks bad because lack of refined sensibilities and incompetence or inability in maintaining aesthetics. Kafka, Chekhov and Lovecraft are still important to me though they have served their purpose. You can train yourself for this nation by practicing looting the food packets thrown from the helicopters during a flood and stocking them for selling them in black market. I, however, would choose to starve with dignity.

Appearances and Fates

Old physicians made a mistake. Old physicians often employed physiognomy for judgement of character of people, which is still employed by a lot of people especially in small towns, judging people by their countenances and physical appearances. Of course countenances and facial expressions and physical features are sometimes helpful in judging people but there is a deeper truth behind it. Ever wondered why beggars choose particular people for asking for alms in a sea of people? Or you ever look at someone and he by his looks itself looks criminal or lecher to you? Or those particular shining crazy eyes of nymphomaniac women? The actual truth behind these things is biology, adaptation and and political stratification. Lower the strata, harder the rules and if due to circumstances you end up breaking the rule the stress on your body and the way you adapt to that stress informs your physiognomy. So, you can see that lusty eyed lecher, or that murderous criminal and identify them by face. As class and strata go higher, the rules become lax and due to selfishness being a right, entitlement and freedom, no amount of excesses or even demonic things you do, reflect on your countenance, since there is no moral or religious guilt involved and no stress or flight or fight involved, the excesses and demonic deeds you do combined with the entitlement, translate into charisma or aura. The threshold for turning a demon differs in stratas and you can be an actual demon in higher stratas and it won't reflect on your countenance but would be translated into aura or charisma. Religion, especially dogmatic religion plays a big part in creating demons and criminals in the lower stratas. It's like people transgressing the threshold by mistake or in helplessness and reach a point of no return and they commit to that way of life, it's just like a whore committing to being a whore and it stops to matter to her how many people she has sex with, of course exception to this are predisposed evil individuals or individuals who are groomed into an evil way of life since childhood by other evil individuals. You have to realise that we are ruled by individuals who consider us just as numbers or worse, animals. It's not a hard thing to do, you just have to think people as inferior to you, feel entitled and have no empathy which is a way of life in the higher stratas secret life, of course external appearance would be philanthropic, but if philanthropy was so common, world wouldn't have been in the state that it is. All philanthropy is calculated and mathematical, just like all PR is. It's a predator and prey dynamic, power turns humans into predators and they adapt to hunting the prey and as you know a predator chooses the weakest of the lot. It's all nature, there is no God involved here. Ever wondered how majority of middle aged middle class women have common looks, a nighty, sullen face and dark circles under the eyes, that's helplessness and constant stress. The individuals who actually run this country are not only demonic but pathetic too. And unfortunately the country isn't been run on any rules too, the upper class assholes are murdering kids on the internet playing Blue Whale games with them while living a totally westernised lifestyle while people in the lower classes are judged on the basis of Manusmriti. And these religious rules change in an instant at the whims of westernised assholes who play Blue Whale with the lives of innocents. It's just unbelievable how ugly this country actually is. It all might feel a bit generalised and simplified take, but sometimes it takes a bit of generalisation and simplification to put across a truth. 

Vanaspateya Shantih

What to do if the on the face reality starts overpowering your own perception of reality. It's a question I've been wrestling with ever since the internet brought the actual reality of the country on our faces. The simple answer is having multiple modules of reality, one your own reality that you have been seeing and believing in since your childhood and the second the reality which is too on the face to be able to reject. You can have multiple modules too, and that's a thing that I learnt being a writer but that approach is for writers who build and explore worlds, like a writer who writes Harry Potter can also write The Casual Vacancy, two different worlds, diffrent treatments, for common people like me, unless I am really creating and exploring worlds, two modules of the reality can suffice, facts anyway in both the modules remain the same. You know what the actual problem with facts and truth is, especially the worldly kind of truths? That they can be, and they are, manufactured. And now at present on an industrial scale. The real truth mostly remains hidden. In India, as I have seen, majority of people are living an inauthentic life. At present even vibes and your feelings can and do lie. So, the best course of action is taking a code and sticking to it. Religion, gives pretty solid codes to abide by and you can take the framework, I prefer the seven deadly sins of Christianity, they are simple to follow. You should follow the framework not because you want to get saved from eternal hell, but because sins or transgressions, are taken, especially in countries like India, as blueprint for exploitation, extortion and blackmail. Follow the basics, practice altruism, and see the great ancient civilization stripping and pole dancing in front of you. Of course there is no God. The amount of suffering I have gone through for no reason at all and the subjective evidences I have got, unfortunately they are facts but by their very design they can only be subjective, existence of God is impossible, but only the kind of all loving, all caring God which we have grown up believing in. God that empowers exists and it takes the shape of your faith and belief. This God takes the shape of Goddess Kali if you have faith, takes the shape of Jesus, or any God for that matter, and empowers you from within. The external and a layer even within you that is just above your real self and just below your interaction with the external environment, is political. So, the truth is God doesn't exist, but he kind of does, in your faith, in your belief, in your reverence. Also, don't discard your traditions just because the socio-political setup is demonic. Especially the traditions you love, continue them, if it is possible, in any little way you can. Try to preserve, if possible, the parts of the culture you love. 

Standard Operating Procedure

There are worlds that are waiting to be created and explored. I'm just glad that I could see them and get inspiration. The hatred is baffling, but it's a reality. Still, knowing the cause for your suffering is a thousand times better than suffering without knowing what is behind your suffering. My suffering has been totally needless, but then I would suppose that's the case with majority of the people in this land. Not being able to feel the night breeze, feel and enjoy the nature and the sunrise is a curse and when you get cursed for no reason at all shit gets straight. You see monkeys wielding laser guns. That's what the deal about the shit is, they make monkeys wield laser guns in this country. The retardation is absolutely real. When personal preferences start getting censored shit starts to get funny. I wanted to support Indian football leagues, though that is not my intent anymore. Fuck sports. Except martial arts and freestyle motocross of course. Rock for me is like pizza now a days, a matter of deservedness. How do you even deserve rock when you grow up listening to rock music. The backwardness is purely digital at this point, and that's what makes me realise that bullet trains, and expressways are redundant in this kind of a setting. People just don't know about the redundancy. Rock is not going away in my case. Though it has in fact stopped getting created. My game is simple, food is food, entertainment is entertainment and vehicles and appliances are vehicles and appliances. Is this the mythical adulthood and adulting people talk about or I'm feeling something different? You live for long and you realise that psychiatrists are just pimps of pharmacological products. What actually heals insanity is kindness, empathy and love. I was never insane, I was just too sane and so attempts were made, from the very culture that I loved so much, and it made me realise that the culture I loved so much is a sham and it's just alive because of lovely people that live in it, the way it is controlled is mathematical unless it's the time for rape, and so my lovely culture is committing seppuku little by little. I remember the psychiatrist dude who smoked two cigarettes at once and drank heavily. I get it now. I smoke heavily too but one cigarette at a time. A place where criminals are above psychiatrists is effectively not worth living at and that would apply on whole of this ancient civilization. There is no ancient civilization, it's an eyewash. What actually is there is high resolution photos and low resolution photos. You can't afford an expensive phone and your memories are fucked forever. Kodak and Fujifilm can't do shit anymore. The best part of the story is that I know the truth. That's the best part and so I do not suffer, no matter how much suffering is inflicted on me. Sweet isn't it? A bunch of assholes deciding what is hubris when they don't even have the capacity of identifying hubris. You are made to be Dr. Faustus when you never sold your soul at all. Myth is necessary though and so is mythology, but it doesn't work in the hands of assholes whose only qualification is being rapists. It's a cause and effect chain that progressively got worse for me and the cause was not me or within me. It's kind of like Murphy's law and now it's progressively getting worse for these motherfuckers. I didn't know but it seems like Murphy's law works equally on everyone. It was sad to realise that the only rule this country has is pulling rules out of your assholes when it is convenient. Of course dal, chawal, ghee and aloo bhujiya is the best comfort food ever. These bastards are working overtime at present. There is no IB, there is no RAW. There never was. There is no judiciary, unless it's a matter of land. Your life, delusions and experiences might be different so your truth might be different but bottomline is this. I kind of dreamed to be in the army when I was younger, sitting on the ground with my brothers in arms with my rifle by my side and smoking a cigarette or when I got a little mature, being an army medic and firing my pistol to reach where I had to go to save lives. It's all drama. There are no bigger fools than the idiots who die on the borders so that these rapists can rape in peace. I'm free of my social responsibilities, I made sure that I'm, and what I do now is just a bonus. I have a lot to do, the chief among them is trying to survive, and then there is the job of creating worlds. I will create worlds which are lost and create new worlds in my free time. Freedom was not in 1947, it was drama. For me freedom is now. 

High-tech Slum

As I have experienced the life in the past decade, it seems like the real prime minister of this country is Rocco Siffredi. I saw 9/10th of the iceberg that is submerged underwater and it's basically the hidden sociological reality and this reality acts as a layer between your real self and your external perception and persona. The beauty about the world, as I realised, is that the truth of the world, not the earth but the world, can be audited. This realisation was beautiful to me. Millions of innocents have lost lives, and millions more keep losing their lives. Though the setup for the common people who are below the glass ceiling is that of an unthinking and mathematical "all of that is mine is mine only and all of what is yours is also mine" kind of a exploitation machine where they have just one percent free will and agency over themsleves but complete accountability and responsibility of what transpires and happens through their bodies and minds. My journey has been quite interesting, I first chose escape into fantasy and then thinking that it is cowardly exposed myself to gritty reality and finally realised that all eight billion people have different realities and for majority of them those realities are artificially manipulated, yes, even in backward regions like Purvanchal and Bihar too. Escapism then becomes the correct answer, and I prefer I kind of escapism that doesn't trouble others though that's not the general approach of this nation in which the privileged prefer hedonism that is fulfilled from rape and sadism. I have my plans, dealing with culture, aesthetics, and the things that are important to me. I want to explore the land of golden-tailed foxes, enchanted forests where nature spirits and apsaras come to dance in the silver moonlight. I want to explore the world where young boys genuinely feel about motorcycles and ride cafe racers from one dhaba to another. If this country is not under direct control of Whites and Muslims, and the controllers of this nation are indigenous and have autonomy, then the controllers of this nation have failed and very miserably. Though ultimately it's good for them as they have fortified the stratas, are neck deep in hedonism and sadism and have ensured that absolute control of people is not enough and terrible suffering should be meted out to them as well. This country is a joke and not a good joke. I struggle with my mental capabilities to write about culture, a thing I want to do so desperately, because beautiful part of the culture is disappearing fast, in fact the majority of it has already disappeared. I'm hoping that I will be able to write about the culture as I want to, and I will be able to write about the subcultures I, like the kids these days say, fw with. We are living in a penal colony, and it would be extremely sad if the one who control this shit are indigenous and have complete autonomy. The level of psychology, as I have seen personally, is very low and at this point is basically straight up Pavlovian. I however have plans of expanding on enchanted forests. I will plant a tree everyday until the enchanted forest comes into existence populated with golden-tailed foxes, bathing in silver moonlight and filled with the scent of wildflowers, and hopefully apsaras would descend on the earth to dance in these forests. 

Cleopatra

She sits in front of me. My nostrils get a whiff of her perfume. I don't wear perfumes or deodorants, I am tolerant of other people's body odours and I keep my distance from people so that they don't have to tolerate mine. I let my kind of women find me, as they say those who are genetically compatible to you find your body odour attractive, though one should make it a point to not let their body odour turn into an abomination that makes people retch. Her scent was attractive, no doubts about that and her body odour mixed with the scent of her perfume was doing things to me. Attraction is such a thing, you never know who ends up attracting you. Last time it was that cute idealistic ground reporter who deals with morbid things like rape. I came to know about her, wanted to know more about her and she kept on getting more and more attractive for me. The task at hand was not getting pulled by this babe who was wearing a kind of perfume that had the capacity to attract me, of course mixed with her body odour that was making my chromosomes jump around in the nucleus of my cells. I felt like I wanted to procreate with her. I have known a few women and I have known their souls. This was different, I didn't know anything about her except her body's smell and her choice in perfumes. I try to calm myself. I start actively thinking about the idealistic reporter I liked so much. I'm somehow sure that she would have smelled good too had I known her. Could the reverse be true too? Could this perfume wearing, what they call now a days, baddie, be my kind of a woman? That's a topic for research. Would have to check PubMed after reaching home to see if someone has already explored it. I haven't got to see her face, but at this point I'm not afraid of getting disappointed. My nostrils and through them my brain and the rest of my body have already declared their verdict. All my theories about being sapiosexual and soulmate finder are at stake here. Maybe things actually are primal. My brain at this point has stopped braining, it just feels that I want her to sit on my face. Sitting on the face denotes power dynamic and I don't even know her enough to deduce the political and financial power differences, I just want her ivory ass on my fucking face. Maybe genetic superiority is really a thing. I reject it though. I will always reject it. I get up and walk in front of the bus without giving her a look. I don't want to see her face. I get down from the bus. Life can't be this simple, I can't let it be this simple.